Why Can’t The Donnie Darko Sequel Be About Patrick Swayze? Or Smurfs?

S. Darko, a sequel to the kinda good but overrated 2001 cult movie Donnie Darko starts filming next week, without the participation of original writer/director Richard Kelly. And fans are overreacting accordingly with a useless petition to stop production. The sequel stars original Darko sister Daviegh Chase and Ed Westwick, who plays Chuck on Gossip Girl. Plot synopsis:

The story picks up seven years after the first film when little sister Samantha Darko and her best friend Corey are now 18 and on a roadtrip to Los Angeles when they are plagued by bizarre visions.

That sounds really boring! In fact, looking over the cast list, almost any other character in the original, from Cherita Chen to “Man In Red Jogging Suit” would make for better spinoffs. After the jump, the two best scenes from Donnie Darko, and why they should base the sequel on them.

Patrick Swayze could reprise his role as Jim Cunningham in a prequel about his druggy days before becoming an attitude adjuster. I forgot Seth Rogen was in this movie:

Or, I dunno, they could do something about Smurfs, because this was the best scene in the movie:

But all joking aside, Beth Grant deserves her own starring vehicle. Sparkle Motion: The Kitty Farmer Story anyone?