You Can Make It Up: Iron Man 2: The Edge Of Reason

Tony Stark looked out at the falling snow. He had rid the world of crime and poverty, but could he rid his heart of feelings for Mr. Darby? It seemed impossible. Pepper Potts came down to the laboratory with a sandwich and a glass of Glenlivet, but he wasn’t hungry. He felt too old and fat to be going through this emotional turmoil. It was almost more than his miniaturized arc reactor could take.

It had been such a big year for him, so why did he feel so … empty. Why, it was only six months ago that he realized all the womanizing and ostentatious displays of wealth were just feeble attempts to fool the world, and himself, about his repressed homosexuality. And now here he stood, truly himself for the first time, so vulnerable. He was like those Afghani villagers whose world was torn apart by a cruel reality. But where was Tony Stark’s Iron Man to save the day? He had thought that was Mr. Darcy but now he just wasn’t sure.

The phone rang. “Take a message, Jarvis,” Tony said to the omnipresent computer that was at times his best friend.

“It’s Mr. Darcy, sir,” Jarvis replied, blipping and blooping with his lights.

“I said take a message,” Tony replied between his teeth.

“And I said it’s Mr. Darcy.”

“Sometimes, Jarvis, I just want to rip you out of the wall and turn you into a Speak and Spell,” Tony said, knocking back the Glenlivet. “This is Tony.”

“Tony, it’s Mr. Darcy.”

“What do you want? You hurt my feelings. I am a tender, gay butterfly.”

“I know, I’m very sorry about that. But I also rescued you from that Thai prison when you were caught with cocaine in your suitcase that a man gave your friend.”

“That’s true.” Tony could feel himself giving in. If only his will was as steely as his expensive armor.

“I love you.”

Tony could not help but smile. It was the first time Mr. Darcy had told him that he loved him. He could feel his arc reactor pounding in his chest. He felt like he could do anything, like he had the strength of ten Iron Men.

“Do you want to come over?” Tony asked.

“I already have,” Mr. Darcy said. There was a rap at the window. It was true.

Later they got married and Hugh Grant was so mad.

The End.