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The Hills Is Going Rapidly Downhills

On last night’s fake episode of The fake Hills, there was barely any Spencer magic. He told fake Stephanie that he was going to fake move out after she fake yelled at him in a fake mad voice about fake leaving the Coffee-Mate fake out. Then at the end of the episode, he showed up at Heidi’s place with a fake tiny duffel bag full of all his fake stuff, but she was gone to Las Vegas because her work fake asked her to be a fake project manager.

I don’t know, guys. The realest part of the whole show was when Audrina was talking in the kitchen with Justin Bobby about how she’s not enjoying living with LC and Lo, and there was visible discomfort on her face at the idea of moving out, because of course moving out would mean much less time on television. I was like “yes, that is true.” But everything else was almost painful to watch. If we know that Spencer and Heidi are back together then watching them maneuver the tricky waters of “taking space” is almost laughably unbearable. Think: community theater. “Well, if he wants to move on he is going to be homeless I need space because we’ve got a season to fill.” There is something just so blatantly questionable about the stand-up arcade games still visible in the background of Heidi’s apartment in this scene.

Heidi really made that place her own, by repainting the walls to match her Centipede machine. I do love when Stephanie genuinely sounds like Spencer (“I cannot believe you’re saying this right now.”). She’s the worst. You can tell that she wants to be an actress, but the problem is that there just aren’t enough roles for beak-faced hacks. I should write a screenplay. It will be called The Saddest Sister, so she will be in her comfort zone.