Anger Your Friends With A Phone Call From Sad Ashton Kutcher

For the past two weeks I’ve gone to the official website for the really shitty looking movie What Happens In Vegas every single day. This is because a few weeks ago I noticed that they had a “Get a phone call from Ashton Kutcher” button that said “Coming Soon,” and I wanted to prank (or “punk”) my friends, particularly Gabe, with a stupid phone call because I’m in the fifth grade and I do this every time one of these hack phone call marketing ploys comes out. I went there just now and it’s finally up! There are actually two features, one where you “Ask Ashton a question” and you get a phone call with a very depressed sounding Ashton Kutcher and sound bites from the movie that have nothing to do with your question, or the superior “Re-create A Wild Night Out,” which is like badly copyedited Mad Libs, and also involves a severely despirited Ashton Kutcher begging your friend to see his movie.

So I just had Ashton call Gabe and say:

Hi (MUFFIN) this is Ashton Kutcher, how are you? I don’t know if you remember (YESTERDAY) at the (BANQUET) you gotta be joking! Here let me refresh your memory: You must have had (TWO) (MOJITOS) and you (PUKED AND RALLIED.) Go see my movie, What Happens In Vegas, May 9.

It was so lame he wasn’t even mad. He was just like “Did you send me some movie marketing call?” And then we talked about how suicidal Ashton sounds. This movie promotion might actually be a good way to open up a dialogue with a loved one about depression.