Videogum

Scarlett Johansson’s High School Video Project

I’ve been skeptical of the whole Scarlett Johansson recording an album thing. I’ve only heard the one song, “Falling Down,” and it sounds like someone did too much Jesus and Mary Chain karaoke on the set of Lost in Translation. But now she has a music video.

I stopped watching about ten minutes into the makeup chair sequence. Well, guys, you should probably sink your crushes on Scarlett Johannson to the bottom of Whoops Ocean, because it turns out she’s horrible. Sure, she’s got the almond eyes, the gravelly voice, and she was in Ghost World, but when she met with the video director and the idea of her sitting in a makeup chair came up she was like “Yes, that’s a great way to really express to people who I am when I’m just being Scarlett” (she referred to herself in the third person in the meeting). The worst. I want my ten dollars back for seeing The Black Dahlia. Again, I want it back again. I already wanted it back on account of it being such a bad movie, but I want it back for a different reason now. Thanks.