Zoo York Reminds Us That Skaters Were, Are, And Will Always Be Assholes

As any self-respecting child growing up in the ’80s did, I saved up my money and bought a Powell Peralta Tony Hawk board with side rails and immediately stowed it away in the garage with virtually no scratches on it. But even if most of my childhood was dedicated to buying equipment I would never use and then reading Groo The Wanderer comics in my room, I still like skate videos. Let’s face it, they’re really fucking cool. Skaters have that Owen Wilson nonchalance about them (nullus on this whole post, obviously) that at least myself, as a Jew, find endlessly fascinating and enviable. They’re also total fucking assholes.

Zoo York has a new YouTube contest for who can make the viralist video that shows how they are the best at skateboarding and the worst at not being an asshole. The winner will receive a faceplant.

The rules of the contest clearly state that you should “play it cool” and “don’t disrespect,” and then this inaugural video put up by Zoo York themselves features throwing cockroaches in unsuspecting “old people”‘s faces. Motherfuckers, those people were just trying to get to fucking work. They don’t need that shit. This reminds me of when I first saw a CYK video. They had lots of funny pre-Jackass pranks like riding a shopping cart into a tree, or whatever, but then they went to McDonald’s and ordered a soda and when the girl at the drive-thru handed it to them, they yelled “fire in the hole” and threw it in her face. Because, you know, working at a drive-thru window is a really cush lifestyle and those people need to be reminded what it’s like out here in the streets.

Fucking skaters are the coolest/worst.