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Jimmy Fallon To Host/Ruin Late Night Television

Great news for fans of talentless hacks getting high paying dream jobs for some unexplainable reason, bad news for everyone else. From Fox News [via comingsoon]:

There’s much debate about letting Leno leave NBC etc., but right now let’s just concentrate on Jimmy [Fallon]. He’s the perfect successor to Conan and should have just as big an audience when he takes the reins. Fallon is one of those great underrated performers. This should be the right milieu for him.

Fallon, who recently married producer Nancy Juvonen, is said to be thrilled and ready, if not a little scared, about taking Conan’s desk. He still has to pick a producer and a band, among other things.

Don’t Jimmy Kimmel and Carson Daly already have late night talk shows? There isn’t enough hackneyed middle-brow white ex-frat boy humor on TV after 11pm? Or was the problem that neither Kimmel nor Daly wanted to host two shows per night, so they got a watered down version of the two. Worst. Nice going, Hollywood. You should take some tips from television’s 24 and detonate a nuclear device in your own face. (Did that happen? I don’t actually watch 24 because I believe time does not exist.)

I’m pretty sure any of these people would have been better picks than Jimmy Fallon:

Dane Cook

He is popular with the same people Jimmy Fallon is popular with (idiots), and you wouldn’t need to hire any writers for the show.

This Stock Photo Of A White Guy

What’s got two thumbs and just as much personality as Jimmy Fallon? This stock photo of a white guy. Admittedly, the thumbs have been cropped out of the photo, just like Jimmy Fallon cropped the humor out of Saturday Night Live!

Ball of Hair

I honestly believe that this ball of hair would be just as capable of hosting a late night talk show as Jimmy Fallon, if not more so because at the very least this ball of hair is unique to the format, and lacks a resume full of indicators that it should NOT be hired.