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CSI Writers Will Kill, Dismember, And Eat Charlie Sheen As A Ratings Stunt

In a network-mate crossover sure to go down in history along with the The Jetsons Meet The Flintsones (1987) and “NBC’s Blackout Thursday” (1994), CBS has announced that two of its top shows, CSI and Two And A Half Men, will trade mediocre writing teams next month for a sweeps-week stunt, giving the CSI writers the chance to use all of the homophobic one-liners and masturbation references that otherwise end up balled up in the writer’s room wastebasket.

“CSI” Scribes Pen the May 5th “Two and a Half Men” While “Men’s” Writers Return the Favor on the May 8th “CSI”

Monday, May 5 (9:00-9:30 PM, ET/PT) TWO AND A HALF MEN-A CSI team investigates a mysterious death at Charlie’s (Charlie Sheen) house. The episode was written by CSI writers Sarah Goldfinger and Evan Dunsky from a story by CSI executive producers Carol Mendelsohn and Naren Shankar. Robert Wagner (“Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me”) and Jenny McCarthy (“Scary Movie”) guest star.

Thursday, May 8 (9:00-10:00 PM, ET/PT) CSI-Grissom (William Petersen) and the CSI team investigate the death of a diva sitcom star (Katey Sagal) who dies suddenly while her show is filming in Las Vegas. Suspects include the entire writing staff, her loser husband and the actress who serves as her stand-in (Rachael Harris). The episode was written by Chuck Lorre and Lee Aronsohn, executive producers/writers of “Two and a Half Men.”

The adorable thing about this stunt is that neither show will be better or worse than usual, though my dream of One And A Half Men will probably not come true.