I was so wrong. Last night’s Real Housewives reunion was not a nightmare at all (although I maintain my position that Ramona’s face was Stephen King’s muse for all of his books). The reunion was so good. Those women are horrible. They should fill their bathtubs with champagne and get in with their diamond toaster ovens. Except for Bethenny, with whom I maintain a loving relationship as blogger and wife. It was like the World’s Strongest Man competition, where those dudes made out of flesh bowling balls have to pull 18-wheelers with their bare hands, except that instead of pulling 18-wheelers, the women are straining against the excuses they’ve created for themselves to hide the sadness of their desperate lack of self-worth.
If it were possible, I would just show you the whole thing, and I apologize for being fixated on Alex and Simon when there are so many other housewives to hate, but this clip is a pretty fair summation of the whole show:
Man, this clip really has it all. It’s got the hilarious “no regrets” question baiting from Alex, then she and Simon get faced! with a list of viewer hate mail from that host who I heard went home and killed himself after the show, and then there’s the sad tantrum by Ramona who just walks off the set. She is the best. The googley-eyed shot of her face at the end of the clip inspired me to write a screenplay. It’s called Face/Off 2. John Travolta returns as detective Sean Archer who switches faces with Ramona to infiltrate the world’s saddest gang, but on his way to the secret meeting at Balthazar he passes by a mirror and sees Ramona in the reflection and shoots himself in the face nine times. Joel Schumacher is signed on to direct.