Hate him or hate him, Spencer Pratt is the only reason The Hills is still on the air. Everyone else is treading water. Do we really care whether Lauren and Lo move into a house together? WTF? Unless Lauren gets hit by a double decker tourist bus, leave me alone. I can’t deal with her rehearsed faces anymore. You can see her brain working. “Look sad!” No, it’s the Spencer Pratt Show, and I don’t care if it sounds like I’m making the same point every week. I am. It’s because you’re not paying attention. You’re making yourself cry.
Case in point, the case being that Spencer is the only reason we still watch, last night’s episode. Lauren and Heidi went to the same night club, which was boring. Audrina went on a date with Justin Bobby, which was boring. And Lo and Lauren talked about renting a house, which was the boringest. But throughout all of that, there was no logical reason for Spencer to appear, and I genuinely thought that if the line producers didn’t get their meddling up to speed, I might have to show a clip of two children in a cage fight.
But they pulled it together and had Heidi “accidentally” run into Spencer at his sister Stephanie’s house where he’s staying. Whoops! How embarrassing for whoever thought this would seem natural and realistic.
I’m not buying this dramatic break up. As soon as Heidi walked out the door and they wrapped taping with a few cut-away shots of Spencer relaxing on the couch and some room tone, Heidi came back in and they had sex. Although, if the break up was real it could go on forever because Spencer could cut a hole in a mirror and just fuck that and probably feel pretty confident about where his life was heading.
Also, “I’ve got no sympathy for you because who did you expect to see at Goa” is my permanent Facebook Status Update.