Gene Hackman Inadvertently Retires

Oh man, this is the new sadness:

Movie veteran GENE HACKMAN has quit acting for good, insisting he is too old to land appealing roles. The 78-year-old actor hasn’t starred in a film since 2004 comedy Welcome to Mooseport, and although he has never announced his retirement – he couldn’t bring himself to return to Hollywood and play “grandfathers”.

Hackman says, “I guess you could call it retired. I haven’t worked for four years now. And I don’t miss the business. I miss the process of being on-set with actors when things get cooking. But there’s so much crapola (crap) in order to get there. It’s just too painful.

“I guess you could call it retired.” Oh man. No. Please no. The lengthening shadow of mortality is terrifying enough without this quiet acceptance. Also, Mr. Hackman, for the love of God, you don’t have to go out with a bang, but you can’t go out with Welcome to Mooseport. Have you learned nothing from the cautionary tale that is Christopher Lambert? Enemy of the State 2 would be better than Mooseport. ENEMY OF THE STATE 2, sir!