Paradise Hotel 2: The Cuddle Controversy

I’m pretty sure I’m the only person who watches Paradise Hotel 2, but it’s not my fault that you guys are bad at priorities and watching great stuff. Just kidding. Paradise Hotel 2 is the worst show. You know how when you watch Flavor of Love or something and you think “I can’t believe these people are on TV”? Imagine the people who would love to be on that show but weren’t attractive or interesting enough (but were retarded enough). But the fact of the matter is that I loved Paradise Hotel 1, so when I found out there was going to be a third tier cable-only sequel, I was like “sign me up!”

The main reason I like the show is because it is so confusing and complicated. They change the rules every week. After watching all of season one, and now all of season two thus far, here is what I can tell you about what the show is about:

-You have to stay in a hotel and drink alcohol, but sometimes you have to leave the hotel. Maybe.

That’s about all I know. But I also know that last night things got pretty tense when Ryan made it clear to Stephanie that he did NOT like cuddling. Sorry about the tiny quality, I’m new here.

No cuddling, you guys. It’s not like fucking someone drunkenly on national television and then talking a bunch of crude shit about them behind their backs for your fellow mongoloids at mongoloid brunch. It’s, like, special.