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Apparently Being A Superhero Is Just Great

In other Iron Man news, I am excited for this movie because I enjoy the superheroes and also because among the superheroes I’m a fan of the origins films. Watching the hero’s transformation from blogger (they always start as bloggers) into savior is fun and exciting without actually having to do any of the training or soul-searching that would actually be required. At the end you feel like a hero yourself, which can be good or bad (after seeing Spider-Man in the theater I got really depressed on the train ride home as I whittled down which superhero franchises were left for ME to star in and realized I was going to have to be Plastic Man.)

But the new Iron Man clip that went up yesterday (titled “Run Before You Can Walk”) … it’s cool, or whatever, I guess, but I like my heroes to have their metaphorical (or literal) glasses smashed before they start cracking skulls.

Isn’t that part of the thrill of discovering a new hero? Like that part where young Bruce Wayne gets sunk in the ice by Henri Ducard during their sword fight? Or when Peter Parker almost falls off a building trying to use his new ejaculate wrists? What’s the point if they’re amazing right out of the gate? Here is what appears to be the plot of the new Iron Man movie based on this sneak peek clip.

This is my first time being Iron Man, I’m so nervous.

Well, here goes nothing. You know, I could die. This is very dangerous what I am doing.

Maybe I should rethink being Iron Man. Maybe it is not worth it.

Ooooooh, I’m not sure about this, guys.

This is very scary, what I am about to do. Will I be up to the challenge?

Oh, you know what, turns out I’m fucking great at flying.

Seriously, I can’t believe I was nervous. Haha. I’m so good at this.

Wow, yeah. Why wasn’t I a superhero before? This is fucking great.

Flying. Done. So good. Who wants to fuck me?

At this rate I anticipate the world will be saved by minute six of this movie.