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Scarlett Johansson Is Just Not That Into Helping People

Scarlett Johnasson is teaming up with Oxfam to offer the latest in viral interactive WebTV charity efforts. You can, as we speak, bid on eBay for a chance to meet Scarlett Johansson for what will definitely be at least four seconds at the premiere for her upcoming movie He’s Just Not That Into You.

Oooh, free shipping. And nothing says “I care about global poverty” like an unhealthy obsession with celebrity, and films based off of mildly sexist faux advice gift books.

Look, you do good where you can. Like, I’m known in my circle for being super generous with my honesty about not wanting to help you move. But, maybe we need to figure out a way to rewire our cultural mindset so that we don’t have to win a date with Tad Hamilton in order to shed light on some of the gross injustices of this world. And I know all about those because I get paid to blog about movies and TV from DARFUR!

Moreover, I feel very strongly that you are not genuinely helping anyone by any serious measure if that help can be discounted by applying for a new credit card.