An award for bad sex, that is. Every year since 1993, the British magazine Literary Review has bestowed the dubious honor of the Bad Sex In Fiction Award to “an author who has produced an outstandingly bad scene of sexual description.” And this year, as The Guardian points out, that honor goes to Morrissey.
One particular scene involving List Of The Lost’s protagonist Ezra and his girlfriend Eliza clinched the victory. Here it is in all its questionable glory:
At this, Eliza and Ezra rolled together into one giggling snowball of full-figured copulation, screaming and shouting as they playfully bit and pulled at each other in a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it whacked and smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza’s body except for the otherwise central zone.
Hot stuff! Other candidates on the shortlist included George Pelecanos’ The Martini Shot (“I rubbed myself against her until she was wet as a waterslide”), Joshua Cohen’s Book Of Numbers (“her breasts were like young fawns, sheep frolicking in hyssop”), and Richard Bausch’s Before, During, After (“When she took him, still a little flaccid, into her mouth, he moaned, ‘Oh, lover'”).
In their initial review of Morrissey’s List Of The Lost, The Guardian described the book as “an unpolished turd of a book, the stale excrement of Morrissey’s imagination.”