Madonna Promises Oral Sex To Hillary Voters

This election: It’s almost over! Thank fucking god! We only have to get through a few more weeks of near-intolerable news stories like this one: Madonna did stand-up comedy last night in New York, working as the surprise opening act for Amy Schumer’s Madison Square Garden show. And while she was onstage, as The Hill reports, Madonna promised “a blowjob” for anyone who votes for Hillary Clinton: “And I’m good. I’m not a douche and I’m not a tool. I take my time. I have a lot of eye contact. And I do swallow.” So! You can watch a fan-made video of this whole thing below.

Only 19 more days, everyone!