Merch Review

Which Budget Musician Halloween Costume Is The Scariest, And Why?

As a music lover, it’s hard to have a “scary” Halloween costume. You can only be “ghost Dave Grohl” so many years in a row before the initial terrifying shock of your costume wears off, and now you’re just a sheet with drumsticks. “Oh, I guess she’s ‘ghost Dave Grohl.’ …Again.” Nobody screaming at the sight of you anymore, nobody running away. People come to expect it. With your plight in mind (and your budget!) we at Stereogum scoured the Internet for the scariest unlicensed and unaffiliated budget musician Halloween costumes various web stores that appear at the top of Google results had to offer. But which is the scariest? Let’s see.

Teen Lady Glamour Red Lace Costume

WHY IS IT SCARY?: The prospect of spending $30 on a thing that is going to wrap tightly around your face with no clear air holes for a night of drunken partying is indeed quite spooky. Also, it’s very red — the scariest color according to both The Shining and The Sixth Sense.
CAN YOU TELL WHO IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE?: Yes, it is clear that the “Lady Glamour” teen is Lady Gaga. In fact, its product description says, “Our teen Lady Glamour red lace Halloween costume outfit makes a great addition to any celebrity costumes, rock star costumes, and lady gaga costumes this Halloween coming up or to any costume party.” Something to remember for this Halloween coming up, or any costume party.
RATING: 7/10 very loud screams.

October 31st Halloween Funny T-Shirt | Scare Me Outside

WHY IS IT SCARY?: The spooky lettering, the fact that it says “scare,” and because Bhad Bhabie serves in general as a memento mori.
CAN YOU TELL WHO IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE?: Yes, this October 31st Halloween Funny T-Shirt features quite purposefully a play on Bhad Bhabie’s famous saying, “Cash me outside howbout dah?” Some may wish to point out that this is a T-shirt and not a costume. Okay, well. Do you want to do the post?
RATING: 2/10 very loud screams.

Punk Rocker Adult

WHY IS IT SCARY?: Because punk is dead, so you’re technically dressed as a ghost, and because it reminds you of your youth, so you’re technically dressed as a nightmare.
CAN YOU TELL WHO IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE?: No, but if you’ll allow me to take a guess I would say that the person buying this costume has the vague sense that they are buying a “Johnny Rotten” costume, though I would also guess that he or she does not know particularly who Johnny Rotten is.
RATING: 5/10 very loud screams.

’70s Rock Legend Wig (Orange)

WHY IS IT SCARY?: Bums everybody out at the party, plus it forces people to remember how everyone thought 2016 was so bad because a bunch of good famous people died, but then Donald Trump was elected, and it’s like, damn, wish we could go back to when things were bad just because a bunch of good famous people were dying no offense.
CAN YOU TELL WHO IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE?: Yes, though the makeup on this ‘70s rock legend is just incorrect enough to evade the suspicion of most, as an expert I can tell this is Aladdin Sane David Bowie.
RATING: 6/10 very loud screams.

Party Starter Costume

WHY IS IT SCARY?: Even aside from the fact that both the “Firestarter” video and the song “Firestarter” are extremely scary (the dancing, the weeeee-erreeeer-oooo-ooh noise, the tunnel, the aggression, the running, the fire starting, the twisted fire starting), this is just a scary haircut to have.
CAN YOU TELL WHO IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE?: Yes, as we’ve already established, this party starter is Mr. Prodigy (?) from the “Firestarter” video.
RATING: 9/10 very loud screams.

Party King Sexy Funny Censored Celebrity Pop Star Halloween Costume

WHY IS IT SCARY?: According to a quotes website, Salvador Dalí once said, “What is important is to spread confusion, not eliminate it.” This costume is scary because it’s like, oh my god — did Salvador Dalí make this costume?
RATING: 3/10 very loud screams.

California Costumes Men’s Grunge Wig

WHY IS IT SCARY?: Well, first of all, this man is making a very scary face, though I suppose that’s not technically part of the wig. It’s also scary because we’ve never solved the mystery of who murdered Kurt Cobain.
CAN YOU TELL WHO IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE?: Oh, excuse me, I got ahead of myself. Yes, this is supposed to be Kurt Cobain. Though I think if you wore it without a flannel shirt and without telling people that “grunge” was in its Amazon description, people might just think it was a “The Rachel” Haircut wig, from Friends. Oh, maybe you can be the “The Rachel” Haircut next year!
RATING: 5/10 very loud screams.

Adult Spoon Costume

WHY IS IT SCARY?: Only being able to see the eye-nose-mouth part of a face is very classically scary. Also, guess what the word count is on the description of this costume. Did you guess? Okay, it is: 296 words! For a spoon costume? Not “scary,” exactly, but it is interesting. Here’s a quote: “Whether you’re going to the national soup convention or you want to choose a costume that truly represents you this year, this spoon costume will not disappoint.”
CAN YOU TELL WHO IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE?: Yes, obviously this is supposed to be the band Spoon.
RATING: Nine out of 10 very loud screams.

Men’s Purple Rock Legend Costume

WHY IS IT SCARY?: Because WHO is this mystery purple rock legend? I’m trying to think.
CAN YOU TELL WHO IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE?: No! Give me one more second.
RATING: ????/10 very loud screams.

Party King Women’s Child Star Gone Wild Costume Kit, Blonde, One Size

WHY IS IT SCARY?: Because this is like nine Child Star Gone Wilds ago, and there is no excuse for not being up to date in our 24-hour-news-cycle world. It’s also scary because it’s unavailable, and what if you wanted it?
CAN YOU TELL WHO IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE?: Yes, this is Miley Cyrus from the Video Music Awards in the year 2013 when literally none of us were even BORN!!!!!
RATING: 4/10 very loud screams.

Fun World Li’l Hip Hopper Instant Costume Kit

WHY IS IT SCARY?: It is very racist.
CAN YOU TELL WHO IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE?: Yes, this “Li’l Hip Hopper” is quite clearly supposed to be your white friend making a mistake.
RATING: 10/10 very loud screams.