Shut Up, Dude: This Week’s Best And Worst Comments

It’s Pitchfork Festival’s opening ceremonies tonight and I am not there because I’m attending something even better: Taylor Swift (Cats) in New Jersey! But if you’re heading to Union Park look for Tom (the guy almost as tall as Jacob De Wilde) and Chris (the guy standing next to Tom). Your best and worst comments of the past 7 days are below.

THIS WEEK’S 10 HIGHEST RATED COMMENTS

#10  meat
Score:29 | Jul 14th

that’s fucking crazy. a black dude likes grimes?

Posted in: Grimes Granted Restraining Order Against Caped Intruder Carrying 3 Computer Mice
#9  BanksyWasFramed
Score:29 | Jul 19th

I’m questioning if Wiz knows how oral sex works if mashing up a banana with your teeth seems too much like a blowjob.

What are you doing to me, Tyler?!!!!!!!

Posted in: Wiz Khalifa Thinks Men Should Break Bananas In Half Before Eating Them
#8  mjhk75
Score:29 | Jul 13th

That’s all well and good, but we were promised a Michael Nelson essay-as-opus about the state of heavy music, and if we don’t get it we are going to BURN THIS PLACE TO THE GROUND. (Um, no pressure or anything, Michael).

Posted in: Shut Up, Dude: This Week’s Best And Worst Comments
#7  ofmice
Score:30 | Jul 13th

“Then again, there are plenty of counterexamples where things went downhill as soon as the main songwriter parted ways with a band member who everyone assumed wasn’t contributing.”

Weezer is exhibit fucking A of this. I think about this way too much. Listen to the Blue album, listen to Pinkerton, then listen to everything else they did after Matt Sharp left and tell me that what’s missing from it isn’t EXACTLY what Sharp brought to his first Rentals album. Rivers Cuomo got all the glory from day one as being the man behind Weezer, but it’s clear that Matt Sharp was almost an equal partner on those first two albums, even if he was just in the back pulling the strings. He was the Weezer Deep State.

Meanwhile, I’d put Mastodon out there as an example where increased collaboration actually led to a better band. I don’t know exactly who was behind the writing of their first couple records—it might’ve been collaborative already at that point—but by the time they get to Crack The Skye, they were fully in Beatles territory. Every member wrote, every member sang, and it still felt like a single unit rather than a bunch of random solo tracks. Arguably their best album, too.

Posted in: System Of A Down Share Brutally Honest Explanation For Lack Of New Music
#6  black sheep boy
Score:31 | Jul 18th

Can I just say all of Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever’s Hope Downs? Being that it came on June 15th, the album cover, “Air-Conditioned” in the opening track, I mean, I’m always gonna associate it with da Summatime. I wish it had an obvious “Summer track” on it that we could all agree on though.

Posted in: Vote For The Song Of The Summer 2018
#5  log
Score:31 | Jul 19th

Is Wiz only eating bananas in front of middle-school-age boys?

Posted in: Wiz Khalifa Thinks Men Should Break Bananas In Half Before Eating Them
#4  iceberg
Score:31 | Jul 19th

Idk following this logic breaking a banana in half could create two dicks, thus making you twice as gay

This is his logic, not mine. Bananas are great.

Posted in: Wiz Khalifa Thinks Men Should Break Bananas In Half Before Eating Them
#3  BlissingBjork
Score:35 | Jul 19th

But I don’t break my dicks in half …

Posted in: Wiz Khalifa Thinks Men Should Break Bananas In Half Before Eating Them
#2  jackunderscore
Score:39 | Jul 19th

This is dumb and I’m glad to see people clowning him for it.

Posted in: Wiz Khalifa Thinks Men Should Break Bananas In Half Before Eating Them
#1  El Gummo
Score:41 | Jul 13th

Democracy vs. benevolent dictatorship is a fascinating part of intra-band dynamics.

Benevolent dictatorships have resulted in some amazing bands/albums—Nine Inch Nails, The Smashing Pumpkins, the first three Belle & Sebastian albums, the first two Strokes albums, Treats—and it’s hard not to notice things going off the rails as other band members get more creative control, writing credits, and lead vocals—”Take Me Down” and “Farewell and Goodnight” being the worst songs on Mellon Collie (“Take Me Down”, jfc “Take Me Down”), FYHC, YWLAP being the worst B&S album, Angles being one of the worst Strokes albums, the diminishing returns of post-Treats Sleigh Bells.

Then again, there are plenty of counterexamples where things went downhill as soon as the main songwriter parted ways with a band member who everyone assumed wasn’t contributing. Remember when people shrugged when Girls broke up because “lol Girls is Chrissy Owens bb!”, and then we heard Lysandre? Remember when people tortured Meg White for not being a technically proficient drummer, and then we found out her limited proficiency forced Jack White to get creative and rein in some of his worst impulses?

You never know when it’s the bass player shooting down bad ideas behind the scenes and keeping the rest of the band members from killing each other.

True democracies in which everyone or mostly everyone can play and write and sing and vibe with each other are some of the greatest bands of all time—The Beatles, Queen, etc.—but those are very rare.

Posted in: System Of A Down Share Brutally Honest Explanation For Lack Of New Music

THIS WEEK’S 5 LOWEST RATED COMMENTS

#5  YBB.
Score:-14 | Jul 19th

I’d put money on Wiz being the first in line to get his dick sucked by a dude in prison.

Which reminds me of this scene from the excellent and slept-on “I Love You Phillip Morris”:

https://youtu.be/Z3y-4VnG6rM

Posted in: Wiz Khalifa Thinks Men Should Break Bananas In Half Before Eating Them
#4  mynameisnotjanet
Score:-14 | Jul 14th

wtf is this racist ass comment

Posted in: Grimes Granted Restraining Order Against Caped Intruder Carrying 3 Computer Mice
#3  Win
Score:-17 | Jul 18th

Jonah Hill will never not be the biggest douche in any room he occupies.

Posted in: Jonah Hill Describes His Experience At Kanye’s Wyoming Listening Party
#2  raptor jesus
Score:-18 | Jul 13th

You are aware of bloc’s rule that if a comment references another commenter it basically counts as their comment so they get the credit.

Meaning if this specific comment were to get in the Top 10 (plz no) then bloc would take credit because I’ve said bloc three times.

So downvote this comment hardcore tyvm.

Posted in: Shut Up, Dude: This Week’s Best And Worst Comments
#1 

Tom Forrest
Score:-25 | Jul 18th

Actually the Armalite AR15 was made for the commercial market before there was a significant US presence in Vietnam. Perhaps the writer should instead focus on what makes it unique or particularly deadly or whatever he is trying to claim. I think the Japs used Arisakas to “slaughter the Vietnamese”, so perhaps we should ban those too. Let me know if I need to explain what an Arisaka is.

Posted in: Vic Mensa Calls For Assault Rifle Ban In New Op-Ed

THIS WEEK’S EDITOR-IN-CHIEF’S CHOICE