Shut Up, Dude: This Week’s Best And Worst Comments

You may have heard that today is Gabriela’s last day at GabrielaJTC was this site’s first intern back in 2015; she was soon managing our entire internship program and eventually became Managing Editor. Gabriela’s packing up her pets and going to get her MFA in nonfiction at Iowa Writers’ Workshop.

Over the years Gabriela has published so many celebrated interviews and features here (she’s the writer you tap when like, Trent Reznor wants to do an interview), brought in and mentored dozens of talented new contributors, and tweeted our most popular tweet. We’ll be worse off without her editing prowess and impeccable music taste, and I will miss her cyberbullying Ryan in Slack. Some fun facts about Gabriela: Her preferred snack from the snack room is Cheez-Its. She’s the only staff member whose been in a band covered by the site. Early in her tenure she asked me who Noel Gallagher was. Legend!

Gabriela hinted she’d freelance a piece for us if Sky Ferreira ever releases her album, so I guess that means Gabriela is never gonna write for us again. Please wish her well in the comments with your favorite Big Bird gif or Cats trailer meme. I encouraged her to rank her 10 favorite commenters in a goodbye post, but she declined because she’s classy.


#10  UpfortheDownVote
Score:48 | Jul 15th

Finally someone who loves America.

Posted in: “Old Town Road” Holds On To #1 For 15th Week
#8  plurabelle
Score:51 | Jul 15th

Honestly, Jack comes off alright here

Posted in: Jack White Talks Greta Van Fleet, “Old Town Road,” & Woodstock 50
#7  UpfortheDownVote
Score:52 | Jul 17th

I guess they told him 2Pac up his shit and get the fuck out.

Posted in: Iowa Official Apparently Fired Due To Overzealous Tupac Fandom
#6  plando
Score:56 | Jul 18th

Posted in: Taylor Swift Shares CATS Trailer
#5  psouthern
Score:57 | Jul 16th

Thanks – this helped me understand who exactly is better than Ezra.

Posted in: Carrie Brownstein Comments On Janet Weiss’ Departure From Sleater-Kinney
#4  CarlyBaeJepsen
Score:57 | Jul 12th

“If you ain’t got no giddy up then giddy out my way” is the lyric of the year.

Posted in: Lil Nas X & Billy Ray Cyrus Feat. Young Thug & Mason Ramsey – “Old Town Road (Remix)”
#3  bakedbeans
Score:60 | Jul 18th

Posted in: Taylor Swift Shares CATS Trailer
#2  ProfessorHolmes
Score:61 | Jul 15th

Playing ‘Old Town Road’ on repeat until August. Not taking any chances.

Posted in: “Old Town Road” Holds On To #1 For 15th Week
#1  inthedeadofknight
Score:67 | Jul 18th

Posted in: Taylor Swift Shares CATS Trailer


#5  ilikestuff
Score:-23 | Jul 15th

Can someone gives Trump a hug and end this? We get it, you’re mad at life.

Posted in: Janelle Monáe Calls For The Impeachment Of “Racist In Chief” Donald Trump
#4  blitzkrieg
Score:-33 | Jul 15th


Posted in: “Old Town Road” Holds On To #1 For 15th Week
#3  KittenKanassis
Score:-39 | Jul 17th

Embarrassed for the band having to endure a Croaking Colbert. Reminded me of a super wealthy birthday gig for a spoiled, drunk wizard of finance.

Posted in: Watch A Fired-Up, Visibly Moved Stephen Colbert Sing “This Year” With The Mountain Goats
#2  dototto
Score:-40 | Jul 16th

I know that a lot of people want to catch em’ all, but my job is a much bigger challenge. It is my goal to masturbate to all 807 Pokemon, plain and simple. I usually try to do it twice a day, regardless of the difficulties. At the end, I always win. I go on places like Deviantart, rule 34 and, occasionally e621 in order to achieve this massive goal, and when I finally do, I will become a Pokemon Master. Sometimes, it is easy. I can come in five minutes looking at Gardevoir or Lopunny pornos. Sometimes I come across major challenges that I have to overcome, in the case of Garbodor and Magikarp especially. I have to imagine the wet, sloppy fish mouth sucking on my cock without thinking about the actual fish itself. It is very hard, but the satisfaction you get when you achieve victory is immense. Not only do you get the generally pleasurable feeling from ejaculation, but you also know that you overcame an obstacle few men have dared to try. I have a total of 347 successful ejaculations total, but it only gets harder as I move on. When I see a Serperior, for instance, I have to think to myself “In what way can I imagine this creature in order to get off to it?” It is a puzzle for sure, considering I do not have a thing for (most) of these creatures, making it extremely entertaining and interesting for others to watch. I try to focus in on its somewhat beautiful face, and think about that more than the yards of snake behind it. I sometimes have issues with Pokemon like Machamp, who appear extremely male. But I always find a way. There has been no hurdle too steep for me. I want to be the very best. Anything lower does not cut it. And that is why I am beating off to pictures of Lucario on the Internet, mom.

Posted in: The Number Ones: Freddy Fender’s “Before The Next Teardrop Falls”
#1  blitzkrieg
Score:-42 | Jul 15th

I am begging you America don’t let this song beat Mariah’s record.

Posted in: “Old Town Road” Holds On To #1 For 15th Week


Score:12 | Jul 15th

I want to listen to the Billie Eilish remix, but will have to wait at least another week.

Posted in: “Old Town Road” Holds On To #1 For 15th Week