More On Why You’ll Never Shred Like Van Halen

Google’s quest to provide endless means for procrastination received an infusion last month with the launch of their Patent Search, a kid-friendly search engine to dig up the history, tech info, and schematics on all sorts of legally-protected, hair-brained schemes. Ironic Sans is all over it, pulling registered patents from the likes of Harry Connick, Jr., Lawrence Welk, and this masterpiece from Eddie Van Halen (via Gawker):

Sorry, budding axe-slingers; ripping like Eddie’s against the law! And some more bad news: you’ll never defy gravity like Jacko, either. We couldn’t find anything on Tom Waits’s voicebox, which means Honus Honus is in the clear. Let us know if you find any others!