Mayer’s Prescription For Grey’s Anatomy

So your favorite Peter Bjorn & John loving medical drama’s had a rocky season behind the camera, with Isaiah Washington making derogatory comments about costar T.R. Knight a short while back. And while it seemed like the controversy was behind ‘em, Washington opened his trap again after the Golden Globes, saying he “did not call T.R. a faggot … never happened, never happened.” To which Katherine “Izzy” Heigl replied, “I’m sorry, that did not need to be said. I’m not OK with it.” So yeah, it’s a mess. Sounds like a job for blogger extraordinaire John Mayer. And so, John offers the perfect solution: Make Isaiah’s character (Dr. Burke) gay! That’s sweet, homophobe humiliation. To get the ball rolling, he wrote a few scenes. Here’s one set at a concert. A Scissor Sisters concert.

SCENES FROM ‘GREY’S ANATOMY’, by John Mayer

INT: NIGHT, ON LOCATION

(THE RAMROD, A large rock club is packed to the rafters with energetic, bold looking twenty-somethings. On stage, an almost impossibly flamboyant group of performers are rocking out to a psychedelic beat that has the crowd whipped up into a primal frenzy.)

(CHRISTINA leans into the ear of PRESTON, struggling to be heard over the music)

CHRISTINA:

I think it’s really cool that you wanted to take us to a SCISSOR SISTERS concert, Burke! I gotta say, I never pegged you for the type. You’re always talking about how much you love Ultimate Fighting Championships and Adult Video Award shows.

(CHRISTINA’s eyes skitter from left to right, enlightened.)

Pretty much all the time, come to think of it.

BURKE:

(cautiously)

A friend of mine gave me their CD for Christmas. I figured I’d give it a listen. Turns out they weren’t bad. They have a pleasant enough sound. Besides, I figured it would be nice to show you guys a fun time for once.


CUT TO:

STAGE

(The band plays the final exciting beats of “Kiss You Off”. Jake Shears, The SCISSOR SISTERS lead singer [himself] takes the mic.)

JAKE:

Thank you very muuuuuuch Seattle!!! This next song is called “I Don’t Feel Like Dancing” and tonight, we want to send this song off to a very special man in the crowd, Preston Burke, webmaster of the biggest SISTERS fan site, idontfeellikedancing.com!!! Thanks Preston! The tea cookies you left backstage were deeelish!!!

(CROWD APPLAUDS WILDLY WHILE THE BAND LAUNCHES INTO THEIR HIT SINGLE. PRESTON, now downright sheepish, grabs his coat and small pleather DKNY bag, fumbling towards the exit.)

BURKE:

I think I left a scalpel in that mime today. See ya!!!

And, SCENE.

Maybe Mayer’s true talents lay beyond music, after all. And we already know that Scissor Sisters are all about the soaps. Head to John’s blog for more experiments in gay scene writing. And since we’re talking Grey’s, here’s a semi-gratuitous Katherine Heigl pic. Enjoy.