Fred Armisen In … Fear Factor Junior!

So much Fred Armisen buzz these days. I know Lindsay and Jen will appreciate this…

SNL’s Fear Factor Junior spoof premiered last weekend. Fred did a spot-on impression of Joe Rogan’s emotionless monotone and the kids’ facial expressions were hilarious. The whole thing was perfectly executed.

Fear Factor actually draws HUGE ratings from kids. It’s on so early in the evening, children are gonna watch (obvs) and then have nightmares. I recently read somewhere that Fear Factor-themed birthday parties are becoming popular.

Anyway, before I give you my dorky transcript and photos of the TV, lemme preface…

Q: Stereogum, why do you always log dialogue from TV shows and movies?
A: When I was 19 or so, I wanted to be a screenwriter (didn’t we all?). Coincidentally, around that time my friend and I took a week’s vacation in L.A. and stayed with his uncle who is a big shot studio head. I can’t tell you which studio (my friend would kill me), but he’s always close to the top ten in EW’s “100 Most Powerful People In Hollywood” if that means anything. One night we all ate dinner together and Uncle Hollywood asked me what I wanted to do with my life after college. “Be a screenwriter, actually.” I made the mistake of being honest. He laughed in my face! Really loudly. But I learned a very valuable lesson: give up your dreams early. It’ll save you a lot of grief later on.

And now, here’s your entertainment:

VO: This month Fear Factor takes it to the next level … Fear Factor Junior.

JOE ROGAN: You know how to swim, right?

BOY: Yeah!

VO: Do these first and second graders have what it takes?

VO:You haven’t seen fear ’til you’ve seen it through a child’s eyes.


JOE: It’s a simple question and answer game. I’ll ask you ten questions and every time you’re wrong this tank containing your pet retriever Paulie will fill up with twenty gallons of water.


VO: The New York Times calls Fear Factor Junior “THE MOST EXAMPLE OF SOCIETY.”


JOE: Star of Gilligan?s Island?

GIRL: [Looks mortified]

JOE: Bob Denver, that was easy.


JOE: This is called Breakfast In Bed. Your job is to pick off the maggots and eat them while preserving the eggs benedict. If the breakfast isn?t good enough, your parents will get a divorce.


VO: From the producers of Fear Factor and America?s Most Talented Kid?

JOE: [To little girl] Desi … lu … Pro … ductions.


JOE: Work through the bees. He?s catching up. You gotta run. Here comes the clown.


VO: Fear Factor Junior. Mondays at eight. Followed by Fear Factor Alcoholics.

UPDATE: Stream Fred Armisen’s Guide To Music And SXSW!

“In the spoof of the music business, Armisen assumes a variety of characters–including a college radio staffer, a German journalist and various disabled people–as he interviews Janeane Garofalo, Pavement, Steve Albini and others.” -The Chicago Tribune (1998)

Thanks Slatch for the link.

If you don’t like it, you can rant here.