Handicapping The 49th Annual Grammys’ First Five MInutes

Handicapping The 49th Annual Grammys’ First Five MInutes

Not only is it OK To Like The Grammys, it’s so OK that we’re inviting you guys to watch ‘em with us: Log on Sunday night ’cause we’ll be live blogging the show. We’ll drink every time Kanye crashes the stage (you are welcome to follow suit).

Tequila shots aside, the three best reasons to tune in to NARAS’s shit show are Gordon, Andy, and Stewart. We’ll be in a breathless state of suspense for the minutes leading up to the event; of course The Police are gonna sound great, but what are The Police gonna sound great playing? We’ve got a hunch. Below, our odds on the band’s Sunday night song selection.

Odds: even
No brainer, here. Funny how a band’s most famous song can be the one you least want to hear. On second thought, maybe that’s not funny at all. But really, are there any real Police fans out there who would rather hear them open with this than say, “So Lonely,” or “Can’t Stand Losing You”?

“Every Little Thing She Does is Magic”
Odds: 2-1
The Grammys are like the formulaic romantic comedy of the award-show world, so this seems like a good fit. Classic melody, great beat, and chicks dig it. Do not discount the Valentine’s Day factor.

“Every Breath You Take”
Odds: 4-1
Odds would be better if this were a memorial of some sort, but it’s hard to justify coming out of a 20+ year hibernation playing a song that half of the people under the age of 25 will assume is a Puff Daddy cover. Although, since nobody under the age of 25 cares about the Grammys, it might sneak in the back door.

“Don’t Stand So Close To Me”
Odds: 8-1
Inappropriate teacher-student touching is a hot topic these days, but this feels like too much of a reach. (We’d put the odds of them playing “Don’t Stand So Close To Me ’86” at around 600-1.)

“De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da” or “Spirits In The Material World”
Odds: 12-1
These guys wrote some pretty coherent political songs back in the day, but it’s hard to see them being this overt in a forum like the Grammys. Also, something tells us the recording academy might not want them to sing that “Their logic ties me up and rapes me” lyric.

“Message In A Bottle > Driven To Tears > Wrapped Around Your Finger (Medley)”
Odds: 5-1
Do not discount the possibility of an awards-show style medley. It’s been a trend for “classic” artists who play in these types of venues to try to touch on many hits in a short period of time (see: Prince at the Super Bowl). We picked these songs because they were hits we’d like to hear, but if we had to bet real money it would be on the “Every Breath You Take” guitar intro leading into or coming out of another song. In fact, if anybody can predict the actual songs in the medley, we’ll give you tickets to the band’s July MSG show (you didn’t know?).

Odds: 1,000,000-1
It is the Police’s shittiest song. It might even be the eighties’ shittiest song. But more importantly, Andy wrote it. So Sting won’t touch it with a ten foot yogi.

See ya Sunday night! Eee-yo-ohh.

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