Hard Rock Park Rocks Hard

Roll over, Disneyworld. Starting next year, America’s got a new top destination for mullet nation. The brains and bucks behind Hard Rock Cafe have announced plans to open Hard Rock Park, a 140-acre theme park in Myrtle Beach, SC, boasting 40 rock ‘n’ roll rides and Carnaby Street Cafe. (Featuring lava lamps and specializing in traditional British fare! Delicious.). The press release details a couple of the attractions:

Music will set the tune in coasters including Maximum RPM!, a convertible car-coaster that races to 80s new age hits and Midnight Rider, a Southern Rock roller coaster that careens through a creepy abandoned lumber mill. Children’s play areas abound, including Reggae River Falls, a whimsical Jamaican-themed water play area and Garage Jam! a foam ball play-station.

You wanna know how hard this park is gonna rock? Go to the website, click on “Back Stage Tour,” and listen to the sweet manna that emits from your computer speakers.

Clearly, CEO Steve Goodwin needs some help with those rides. You know your ice cream; got some theme park attracions in ya? Mr. Trey’s Wild Ride?