Premature Evaluation

Premature Evaluation: R. Kelly – Trapped In The Closet: Chapter 13

Since we know how much you loved the Trapped In The Closet: Chapter 13-22 preview (oh, shit) and you just can’t wait ’til Monday when kicks off its one-new-chapter-daily Trapped-athon, we didn’t think it fair for you to miss out on the sneak peek at Chapter 13 ifc gave us today. Because you love serialized hip hoperas, and we love you.

The story picks up with R. (as our hero Sylvester) and Gwen’s brother Twan in the familiar, sweet ass SUV, going on some unnamed, shady mission. The two enjoy some joking banter, and then Twan tries to smoke a joint while they’re driving. But Sylvester’s a law-abiding citizen (further proof Kelly deserves an Oscar for this character), and there’s no way he’s allowing this illegal activity to go down in his ride. Sylvester lets him down diplomatically (“Man, you crazier than a fish with titties if you think I’m gonna let you smoke that shit in my car”), and then we’re ushered off to Rosie the nosy neighbor’s house, where we meet her husband Randolph (played ably by, yep, R. Kelly — think Cletus Klump meets Grampa Lebron, only with erectile dysfunction).

Here’s where R. displays his mastery over recreating old-folks dialogue: the two start-stop bickering over Rosie’s need to be nosy, Randolph finally giving her permission to snoop on the neighbors out their window (“Go ahead then … I hope a pigeon fly by and shit on yo’ face”). Then back to the car with Sylvester and Twan. They drive. Then wait. Then R. lights a cigarette.

The end. Oh, the big cliff-hanger?

R. singing “time goes by … one hour later…” And that’s it! Oh, shit. Pretty uneventful, but in a post-peek interview R. says he wanted to “start the beginning pretty much like this, to make people feel like they’re at home with it.” The benevolence of R. Sylvester Kelly, boundless as always, set to a sexy R&B groove. Just getting started, people.

Remember to go to on Monday for the start of the Trapped marathon. After they’ve put up all 22 Chapters, they’ll air the whole thing as a feature film at 9PM on Friday 9/7, followed by an exclusive interview with the Closet brainchild himself. That’s all for now, kids. But of course we weren’t gonna letcha go without a few grabs of Kelly in his finest Eddie/Lebron gear. For your desktop:

Tags: R. Kelly