List

Rolling Stone’s Top Single Of The Year Is Not “Umbrella”

Sorry Ri, you don’t get to claim the top spot this year, even though “Umbrella” will go down as this annum’s “Hey Ya”/”Crazy”/big-time pop jam. Rolling Stone’s we-love-everything-but-country countdown doesn’t even give the Barbados bombshell’s syllabic stutterer the #2 slot — that belongs to … actually we’ll preserve the drama. But not at the top spot, ’cause we’re pretty sure that was awarded in a way to give everybody a chance to say “and the winner is … Hov!” So fine, we said it. At 100, there’s bound to be some nice inclusions, so we’ll say that up front, and save the bitching for the other side…

100 “Rockstar” – Nickelback
99 “Never Again” – Kelly Clarkson
98 “Wild Mountain Nation” – Blitzen Trapper
97 “Honey Bee (Let’s Fly To Mars)” – Grinderman
96 “Big Girls Don’t Cry” – Fergie
95 “Satan Said Dance” – Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
94 “2 Hearts” Kylie Minogue
93 “Is There A Ghost” – Band Of Horses
92 “Mistaken For Strangers” – The National
91 “Freak Out” – Liars
90 “Threshold Apprehension” – Black Francis
89 “I Wish That I Could See You Soon” – Herman Dune
88 “Computer Camp Love” – Datarock
87 “Dashboard” – Modest Mouse
86 “Pagan Angel And A Borrowed Car” – Iron & Wine
85 “It’s Me, Bitches (Remix)” – Swizz Beat
84 “The Crystal Cat” – Dan Deacon
83 “The State Of Massachusetts” – Dropkick Murphys
82 “Ultimate” – Gogol Bordello
81 “Our Life Is Not A Movie Or Maybe” – Okkervil River
80 “Stop Me” – Mark Ronson
79 “Myriad Harbor” – New Pornographers
78 “The Songs That We Sing” – Charlotte Gainsbourg
77 “Chelsea Dagger” – The Fratellis
76 “Go Getta” – Young Jeezy

75 “Phantom Limb” – The Shins
74 “Comfy In Nautica” – Panda Bear
73 “100 Days, 100 Nights” – Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings
72 “You! Me! Dancing!” – Los Campesinos!
71 “Impossible Germany” – Wilco
70 “Bed” – J. Holiday
69 “Seahorse” – Devendra Banhart
68 “Tambourine” – Eve
67 “Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa” – Vampire Weekend
66 “Big Shit Poppin'” – T.I.
65 “White People For Peace” – Against Me!
64 “The Magic Position” – Patrick Wolf
63 “Buy U A Drank” – T-Pain
62 “The Last Fight” – Velvet Revolver
61 “Down Boy” – Yeah Yeah Yeahs
60 “Make It Witchu” – Queens Of The Stone Age
59 “Let It Go” – Keyshia Cole
58 “Grip Like A Vice” – The Go! Team
57 “Men’s Needs” – The Cribs
56 “Lip Gloss” – Lil Mama
55 “Hold On” – KT Tunstall
54 “I-95″ – Fountains Of Wayne
53 “Black Mags” – The Cool Kids
52 “Pressing On” – John Doe
51 “Killing The Blues” – Robert Plant and Alison Krauss
50 “The Heart Gently Weeps” – Wu-Tang Clan
49 “Makes Me Wonder” – Maroon 5
48 “Kiss Kiss” – Chris Brown (Feat. T-Pain)
47 “The Pretender” – Foo Fighters
46 “Do You Feel Me” – Anthony Hamilton
45 “Halloweenhead” – Ryan Adams
44 “Bleed It Out” – Linkin Park
43 “Us Placers” – CRS
42 “This Ain’t A Scene, It’s An Arms Race” – Fall Out Boy
41 “Just Fine” – Mary J. Blige
40 “Old News” – Dr. Dog
39 “Guitar” – Prince
38 “So Hott” – Kid Rock
37 “Throw Some D’s” 36 “Situation” – 1990s
35 “Girlfriend” – Avril Lavigne
34 “Are You Alright” – Lucinda Williams
33 “Backed Out On The…” – Kevin Drew
32 “When Under The Ether” – PJ Harvey
31 “Don’t Matter” – Akon
30 “LDN” – Lily Allen
29 “The People” – Common
28 “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” – Miranda Lambert
27 “Silver Lining” – Rilo Kiley
26 “Same Girl” – R. Kelly and Usher
25 “Teenagers” – My Chemical Romance
24 “What Goes Around…” – Justin Timberlake
23 “Teenage Love Affair” – Alicia Keys
22 “Keep The Car Running” – Arcade Fire
21 “Crank That” – Soulja Boy
20 “All My Friends” – LCD Soundsystem
19 “1234” – Feist
18 “Icky Thump” – The White Stripes
17 “Weird Fishes/Arpeggi” -Radiohead
16 “You Got Yr Cherry Bomb” – Spoon
15 “Piece Of Me” – Britney Spears
14 “I Get Money” – 50 Cent
13 “The Past Is A Grotesque Animal” – of Montreal
12 “Gunslinger” – John Fogerty
11 “Stronger” – Kanye West
10 “Int’l Player’s Anthem” – UGK
09 “Boyz” – M.I.A.
08 “Long Walk Home” – Bruce Springsteen
07 “Rehab” – Amy Winehouse
06 “Dough Is What I Got” – Lil Wayne
05 “”Four Winds” – Bright Eyes
04 “D.A.N.C.E.” – Justice
03 “Umbrella” – Rihanna
02 “A Few Words In Defense Of Our Country” – Randy Newman
01 “Roc Boys” – Jay-Z

So “Same Girl” makes it and not “Same Dude“? Fine, but Bright Eyes with one of the top 5 singles of the year? (Backing the wrong indie boat on that one.) “Make It Wit Chu” is an old Desert Sessions song so, while not exactly a 2007 tune, we understand and endorse the decision of whoever lobbied for it. Some bones thrown to kids like you! and me! with the exclamatory “You! Me! Dancing!” by Los Campesions!, some Panda Bear, Blitzen Trapper, etc. And then some bones thrown to people they think are like you and me (we stand by CYHSY despite the mostly meh second album but “Satan Said Dance” has no business being here, not even if the list was curated by a blogger mentally stuck in ’05 like Andy Richter is in ’85 — oh and Merry Ludachristmas!). And yes, “Umbrella” was bested by Randy Newman’s return to Sail Away-style polemicizing. If only Rihanna too had written a New York Times op-ed piece about “Umbrella” this would’ve all turned out differently. Next year! You better watch your ass Paul Krugman, Krugman, Krugman, eh eh eh…

Tags: Jay-Z