American Idol Premieres With A Parade Of Silly Folks, Professional Singers, And Declining Ratings

Last night Simon, Randy, Paula, Ryan, and the City of Brotherly Love did their damndest to get people psyched about the waning American Idol, and didn’t quite succeed. Probably because of its recent inability to launch big stars, but also because we’re conditioned to expect a procession of people who want to act the fool on national television rather than be the next Daughtry or Kelly or Carrie. But if it’s not court jesters, then it’s people that can actually sing … that have actually already been retained by labels like Arista or Britney Spears’s managment company. (In the case of pretty Kristy Lee Cook, it’s all of the above; see, via.) What happened to our innocent, virtuous little talent show? To paraphrase Patton: it never was one, silly pudding.

So fine, at least you can’t fuck with the sillyness of the silly folk: Meet Alexis Cohen. She’s a 23-year-old college student, living in Allentown with her mom, two cats, and a dog. She sounds “like Janis Joplin,” smells like incense, and looks like a Ricky’s exploded on her. Also she knows someone wrote a song about her hometown … maybe Bon Jovi?

Here she is failing to impress Simon with Jefferson Airplane.

Absurd? Sure. Oh but damn wouldn’t ya know, jury’s out on how legit this is; a look at her MySpace shows she’s a member of more than one comic/improv group. So ultimately, probably as real as was Paula’s stalker. Or as real as the show’s hopes of success this year. ZING.

Stereogum, out.