Technical Analysis Reveals EMI To Be Fucked

We’re not exactly up to date with our trade journals, but you need no industry expertise to put EMI on deathwatch. Just the other day, the label announced plans to cut 2,000 jobs (about 1/3 the work force). Private equity fund Terra Firma, which bought EMI last year, is making a mess of things trying to sure up the bottom line. Fine. But at least they’re being proactive about it and countering their shenanigans by proposing some brilliant ideas! Like offering, for the first time, brands and corporations to sponsor their top-shelf artists.

Yes, Terra Firma CEO Guy Hands is quite the businessman. And artists are taking note. Robbie Williams is already boycotting the label, and the Verve is threatening to do the same. And now today the Rolling Stones announce they’re fleeing the sinking ship for a one-album deal with Universal (you know you’re in bad shape when you’re being outclassed by this guy).

Let it be said: Sir Paul and Radiohead saw it coming!

So we know people are getting obits together and making predictions on young pop stars, but maybe it’s about time to get the death pool going on EMI, eh? Where are we setting the over/under? And if you happen to be one of the 2,000 or have a little insider perspective … we’re all ears.