Sufjan Letter To Miley

Lately, Sinead O’Connor, the most controversial pop star of 1993, has been writing a ton of open letters to Miley Cyrus, the most controversial pop star of 2013, mostly conveying sentiments like this: “You will obscure your talent by allowing yourself to be pimped.” It’s been a whole thing. Cyrus has been somewhat dismissive in her replies, O’Connor has threatened lawsuits against Cyrus, and the whole thing became squalid almost from the moment it started. And now another upright, highly-regarded musical figure has joined the fray. Sufjan Stevens has written an open letter to Miley Cyrus. Deep breath. Here we go.

Dear Miley. I can’t stop listening to #GetItRight (great song, great message, great body), but maybe you need a quick grammar lesson. One particular line causes concern: “I been laying in this bed all night long.” Miley, technically speaking, you’ve been LYING, not LAYING, an irregular verb form that should only be used when there’s an object, i.e. “I been laying my tired booty on this bed all night long.” Whatever. I’m not the best lyricist, but you know what I mean. #Get It Right The Next Time. But don’t worry, even Faulkner messed it up. We all make mistakes, and surely this isn’t your worst misdemeanor. But also, Miley, did you know the tense here is also totally wrong. Surely you’ve heard of Present Perfect Continuous Tense (I HAVE BEEN LYING in this bed all night long [hopefully getting some beauty sleep?]). It’s a weird, equivocal, almost purgatorial tense, not quite present, not quite past, not quite here, not quite there. Somewhere in between. I feel that way all the time. It kind of sucks. But I have a feeling your “present perfect continuous” involves a lot more excitement than mine. Anyway, doesn’t that also sum up your career right now? Present. Perfect. Continuous. And Tense. Intense? Girl, you work it like Mike Tyson. Miley, I love you because you’re the Queen, grammatically and anatomically speaking. And you’re the hottest cake in the pan. Don’t ever grow old. Live brightly before your fire fades into total darkness. XXOO Sufjan

(via Sufjan’s Tumblr)

Oh. Uh. Well. That wasn’t so bad. Let’s all live brightly before our fires fade into total darkness for the rest of the day.

Comments (46)
  1. True or false: Sufjan is trolling old school?

  2. That was awesome! The click bait title isn’t really appropriate though :/

  3. Oh man this is the best.

  4. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  5. Sufjan, you have 48 state-themed albums you’re supposed to be working on.

  6. Not happy that I just contributed $0.004 to Miley’s camp by streaming 20-seconds of that song.

  7. Open letter to Sufjan Stevens: XXOO just looks wrong. XOXO spreads out the love evenly like a nice cheese sandwich where the triangular slices are arranged in tessellated order so that it can be distributed in an appropriate manner across the bread if it were to be toasted.

    You wouldn’t like an uneven shitty cheese sandwich, would you? Same principle for kisses and hugs. C’mon.

    XOXO David

  8. A LOT of people commenting on Stereogum’s facebook link of this story are taking this WAY TOO SERIOUSLY.

  9. I don’t think Miley is concerned with grammar when it comes to $$$

  10. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  11. Well that title wasn’t misleading….

  12. I can’t wait to see Miley’s response to this open letter: Who the F#(* are you, bruh?

  13. I really like Sufjan’s dead pan sarcastic twist of the knife. I may have to listen to him today in tribute :)

  14. And these are the reasons why Sufjan is one of my favorites.

  15. Sufjan is the fucking best. All I want for Christmas is another super-freaky Sufjan EP.

  16. Someone please forward this letter to Snow Patrol.

  17. Miley’s response letter will be is more anticipated than Control comeback verses

  18. hahaha this is great. so hilarious.

    so what’s next for sufjan? criticizing one of the best new bands of 2013 for the use of font on their album cover?

  19. I’m pretty sure she probably didn’t understand any of that.

    It reminds me of the National’s song, “Baby, We’ll Be Fine.” “All I night I LAY on my pillow and pray.” I’m like, lay what? It somewhat ruins a great song.

  20. It would the icing on the cake if she gets bummed over this.

  21. Tom. Shall I introduce the word satire to you? Or would you rather I leave you to your ignorant criticisms?

  22. what kind of misleading title… mess.

    lol I love Sufjan! I hope he knows Pharrell is the one who wrote this song though… ;)

  23. that one time Stereogum didnt get the joke.

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