New Brawny Guy Is The New Old Brawny Guy

By Stereogum / March 17, 2004

Did you know they replaced the Brawny guy? I guess Paul Bunyan wasn’t pushing the paper towels like he was supposed to.

This is like, the biggest buzz since the Dick Sargent/Dick York uproar in ’69.

But don’t freak out people. This isn’t the first time Brawny has updated its imaginary spokeslumberjack (who we’ll call Bruce for the purposes of this post):

1974 Bruce wears a red plaid shirt (with the top button open). He has brown eyes.

1979 The late ’70s were CRAZY. Everyone’s doing lines and making out with Grace Jones in the Studio 54 coat check. Bruce starts wearing a green plaid shirt.

1984 Bruce gets a slight makeover: shorter haircut, green eyes.

1991 Bruce gets a blue plaid shirt and starts parting his hair on the side.

1992 Bruce’s wife leaves him. Bruce packs up his rainbow of plaid shirts and moves to San Francisco.

1993 Bruce wears a purple plaid shirt “on packages of his Big Roll.”

2000 Bruce gets a blue denim shirt for the new millenium.

2002 Buh-bye Bruce. Hello new paper towel dude.

What should we name him?

Oh, the whole chronology above? I didn’t make that shit up. Amazingly, it’s right here.