People Who Eat At Ruby Tuesdays Are Boring And Stupid, Says Ruby Tuesdays

Earlier this week, I reported on Ruby Tuesday’s foray into viral marketing. They placed mildly humorous ads on television claiming that at 3PM on Monday, August 4th, you could watch them demolish the last of the old Ruby Tuesdays live on-line as they took their chain of family style depression factories into the next century. Or whatever. Fair enough. The only thing more fun to watch than buildings fall down is people falling down. I went to the Ruby Tuesday site at the pre-determined time and watched what was obviously an incredibly fake video in which the demolition team accidentally blew up the restaurant next door, Cheeky’s Bar & Grill. WHOOPSERS. I get it. You got me, Ruby Tuesday. You got all of us (because I’m sure billions of people logged in to the Ruby Tuesday website.) If you haven’t seen it yet, you can watch the video here.

Today, I got a sad mass email from the Ruby Tuesday corporation, suggesting that the majority of America isn’t ready for the hijinks of the internet, and that the patrons of Ruby Tuesday need their joke diapers changed.

The news we’ve sent to you in the last few days about the demolition of the last old-style Ruby Tuesday and the building we “blew up” by mistake wasn’t really real (you already had your suspicions?). It was all for fun and our way of showing just how much we have changed, how most casual dining restaurants have come to look alike, and how much fresher and better Ruby Tuesday really is now.

Cheeky’s Bar & Grill, the other “restaurant” that was “demolished” by mistake was actually a scale model in a studio in Hollywood. We were joshing you a little, and we hope you’ll forgive us. We couldn’t help it, really. All these changes that have made our restaurants the best they’ve ever been make us smile – put us in the mood to make a joke or two while we’re telling the world our brand is really different from all the rest. We hope it made you smile, too.



Seriously? It’s not like the Ruby Tuesday video was THE FUCKING WAR OF THE WORLDS. Or maybe it is. That’s the sadness. The worst part of this email is that someone reading it is relieved. They’ve put down their Bic pen and college-ruled notepad because the angry letter writing campaign to the CEO of Ruby Tuesday is no longer needed. According to Something Awful, there were countless YouTube comment threads claiming the staged demolition as an epic FAIL, not because it’s stupid and Ruby Tuesday’s food is terrible, but because they actually believed the restaurant chain to have destroyed a functional restaurant, presumably full of casual diners. Well take it easy, you stupid idiots, they were just “joshing” you because remodeling a mediocre chain of anti-food has put such a smile on their face (what’s that about?)

You guys, according to the National Rifle Association there are 250,000,000 guns in America, so I’m pretty sure with some minor coordination (we need a few volunteers to share a gun) we can end it all right now.