?I Wanna Love You Tender?
Armi & Danny, 1978
Some things to consider while you?re trying to figure out how to be sure we?re not pretender?
Like shooting savusilakka in a barrel
In 1977, an unmanned NASA craft (Sub-Orbiting Galactic Analysis Yardstick) crash-landed in Helsinki. Most of the equipment was destroyed, except for a copy of ABBAs first album, the back seat of a Studebaker, three episodes of Happy Days, and several production stills from Saturday Night Fever. The people of Finland, unsure of the meaning of these objects, built a shrine to the wreckage, and worshipped it like a god.
Savor the flavor, because it won?t happen again
Man, do we love the internet. Not only does it give us a forum to speculate about where Kanye West might be ordering lunch, but it gives a new life to videos like this, which probably (okay, definitely) never made it to MTV. But it?s ironic that the internet, by making the same pop culture staples available to everyone, everywhere in the world, reduces the potential for the kind of gloriously absurd visual malapropisms that made this video so ridiculous. In today?s world, it would be almost impossible to create something as unironically misguided as ?I Wanna Love You Tender.? It would be a ?mocumentary,? or some self-conscious idiots on YouTube, or it would feature Britney?s vagina. And, in a way, that?s a shame.
We?ve tried nothing, and we?re all out of ideas
Make sure you stick around until the 2:00 mark, when the choreographer goes out for a sandwich and the cheerleaders get to freestyle for a bit. We have some sort of tandem fish mime, a woman with a doll, and what appears to be a two-person luge reenactment. What?s your favorite interpretive dance? We like the b-boy with the boombox, but it?s hard to pick against the waving wheelbarrow sex people.
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BONUS: After the jump, check out Armi & Danny doing Joy Division.