Earlier this week, it was reported that Paula Abdul admitted in an upcoming interview in Ladies' Home Journal to a 12-year-long addiction to prescription painkillers, as well as a brief stint last fall/winter in a rehab center in Carisbad, California, to get sober. People keep saying this was a "shocking revelation," or something like that. Maybe they don't say "revelation," but "shocking" is getting tossed around a lot. Fair enough. Personally, the only thing shocking about it is that Ladies' Home Journal still exists and hasn't been folded into Cat Fancy. But I feel like Paula Abdul's 12-year-long addiction to prescription painkillers is the opposite of shocking, as it has already been carefully documented in everything that Paula Abdul has done. Because ah-DUH.
Well now she is saying that none of it is true. She's even falling back on that insane "I've never been drunk" defense. I wish she was my lawyer. "Your honor, my case is sleepy." From E!:
Paula Abdul hit the airwaves this morning in Detroit to refute what appeared to be her shocking admission in a Ladies' Home Journal cover story.
This is not true, according to Paula. "It was very stressful for me to hear that and to be quoted saying something I never said," Paula said on WKQI's Mojo in the Morning radio show today. "I've never checked into a rehab clinic. I've never been addicted or abused drugs, and I've never been addicted or abused alcohol. I've never even been drunk in my life."
The singer admits to checking into the spa, but says it was just a spa vacation, not a rehab stint. "It's a spa. I was there for almost three days having fun doing spa stuff. It's not a clinic. It's not a detox place. It's a luxurious spa. It's like taking a mini vacation. I just wanted to chill out and get messages and maybe a manicure and pedicure."
When asked if she planned to sue the magazine, Paula wouldn't say yay or nay: "That's what my handlers [will deal with]."
Well, actually Paula, what your handlers will deal with is your sloppy limp body needing to be shoveled off the floor into bed every night because your face is melted off. What your handlers will deal with is your manic tear through your leased mansion draping red cloth over all of the mirrors so that the "bat lady" cannot get you. But sure, this too.
What I don't understand in this whole thing is how Paula Abdul expects us to believe not only that she is sober, which she so clearly is not, but also that the Ladies' Home Journal is some kind of nefarious Liars' Home Journal. I feel like they're having a hard enough time as it is being a terrible, unnecessary magazine, without having to completely fabricate Paula Abdul lies wholecloth. Although I'm sure she believes it. Because she is on drugs.
