2017 In Review

The 40 Worst Songs Of 2017

The internet was a lot less fun this year. With Russian propagandists invading Facebook, neo-Nazis overrunning Twitter, child predators exploiting YouTube comments, ransomware attacking our Gmail, and Eminem infiltrating Tinder, every swipe brought the potential to ruin our day, assuming @realDotardTrump hadn’t ruined it already. Now we’ve got the FCC repealing net neutrality rules: we’ll probably be getting all our news from The Swift Life this time next year.

Meanwhile, if you were in anywhere in public and/or riding in an Uber this year, you were assaulted with Spotify’s most streamed person of 2017, Ed Sheeran. He had a #1 Billboard hit in January, he has another #1 hit this week, and he proved more than anyone that we’re all chained to the algorithm.

Yet Ed Sheeran didn’t make any of the worst songs of 2017 (though “Galway Girl” came close) because we had Jake Paul to make Ed Sheeran look like Phil Elverum. We also had “I’m Not Racist,” and “Take A Knee My Ass,” and “Bad Man” by Pitbull x Robin Thicke x Joe Perry x Travis Barker. And those were the popular recordings! For this list — the worst playlist of 2017 — I suffered through the recesses of today’s streaming platforms and came up with some truly ill-advised “music.”

I’ve disqualified reissues, music-adjacent performance art, anything too obscure, and 15-second memes. I also excluded child rappers (you’re welcome Matt Ox). Cover songs were eligible as were live performances by members of Donald Trump’s personal legal team. This list is unranked, but if you’re looking for the best bad song of 2017 click here.

Matoma & MAGIC! – “Girl At Coachella” (Feat. D.R.A.M.)

Mike Love – “Do It Again” (Feat. Mark McGrath & John Stamos)

Car Seat Headrest – “Stoney Bologne”

DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince – “Get Lit”

New Gloucester Fire Rescue – “I Got Hose”

“Cash Me Outside (Trap Remix)”

Neal McCoy – “Take A Knee… My Ass!!”

Pitbull – “Bad Man” (Feat. Robin Thicke, Joe Perry, & Travis Barker)

“Alexander Hamilton” Lullaby Rendition

Straight No Chaser – “Creep”

Ansel Elgort – “Thief”

The Amity Affliction – “Can’t Feel My Face”

The Jay Sekulow Band – “Jerusalem” (Live)

Branchez & Big Wet – “Turn Up On The Weekend”

Lonzo Ball – “ZO2″

Joe Scarborough – “Mystified”

Pikotaro & The United Nations – “SDGs”

Eminem – “Untouchable”

Big Dipper – “LaCroix Boi”

“If Ed Sheeran’s ‘Shape Of You’ Was About Food Waste”

Jake Paul – “YouTube Stars Diss Track”

RiceGum – Its EveryNight Sis (Feat. Alissa Violet)

iDubbbz – “Asian Jake Paul” (Feat. Boyinaband)

“City Of Stars (Dance Remix)”

D-Metal Stars – “Beauty And The Beast”

Arcade Fire – “Chemistry”

Machine Gun Kelly – “Numb”

Seth MacFarlane – “Almost Like Being In Love”

Qveen Herby – “Busta Rhymes”

“Chinese Rappers Say ‘No’ To THAAD”

Moonshine Bandits – “I’m A HellRazor”

Kathie Lee Gifford – “He Saw Jesus”

Tinashe – “Light The Night Up”

*smokes weed once*

B L’Attitude – “Elevated Love”

Anton Du Beke – “I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor”

Dita Von Teese – “Rendez-Vous”

The Chainsmokers – “Last Day Alive” (Feat. Florida Georgia Line)

DRAM & Neil Young – “Campfire”

Joyner Lucas – “I’m Not Racist”