Brett

Comments from Brett

No, I am not "that one actor from Band of Brothers, but smaller."
-2 |
February 3, 2010 on The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Brett Ratner Hugs A Leprechaun
This will sell. People will buy anything. People without kids to feed. Like my asshole cousin. He'll show me all about it at some family function and be all excited and I'll pretend like I'm interested and nod a lot and then be like, "Thanks. See you next year." That will be the extent of my relationship with the iPad. Thanks, Jobs.
+16 |
January 27, 2010 on Apple iPad Open Thread
If you reach out to clean some sauce off my shirt, you better be my mom. Or we're gonna have wordz.
+7 |
January 27, 2010 on thirtysomething: Whose Forest Is This
I came home drunk in the middle of the night last night and tried to read this, but gave up because it was confusing. I just tried to read it again and this movie still seems really confusing. What's also weird is that I'm sure I saw this movie, but I'm still confused.
+5 |
January 26, 2010 on The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Domino
This is not the first time Britney's spoken in a British accent.
+5 |
January 26, 2010 on Duh Aficionado Magazine: Haiti Doesn’t Need John Travolta’s Planefull Of Scientologists
Alright, I can't be the only one who at first glance thought the photo of John C. Reilly was a photo of George Wendt.
+2 |
January 25, 2010 on Photos Of A Bunch Of Stupid Jerks At Sundance
Dear Conan,

I'll see you at Fox or Comedy Central, so you won't be lonely.

Forever,

Brett

+13 |
January 22, 2010 on The Final Episode Of The Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien Drinking Game
Why don't we get off The Rock, I just got off yours.
+5 |
January 22, 2010 on A Round Up Of Positive Reviews Of Tooth Fairy
I like that TMZ has to clarify the slang's misspelling. Thanks TMZ! The more you know!
+6 |
January 21, 2010 on Everyone On Jersey Shore Is A Nightmare?
Yes, the Toothpick Substitute is also the best.
+1 |
January 20, 2010 on Thirtysomething: Accounts Receivable
You eating my sesame cake won't bring back your goddamn honey.
+5 |
January 20, 2010 on 100 Cheesiest Movie Quotes
This is well done and great and everything, but I strongly disagree with one entry. "Stop eating my sesame cake!" from Congo is brilliant.
+5 |
January 20, 2010 on 100 Cheesiest Movie Quotes
That's not a bad idea. I enjoy the Thirtysomething recaps as much as anyone (no one?), but a My So Called Life series might work a hell of a lot better. I can't wait until the episode with Juliana Hatfield Christmas Angel Ghost!
+1 |
January 20, 2010 on Thirtysomething: Accounts Receivable
When Gabe was all "This is the first time we've heard of Michael's brother" I was all "What are you talking about? He was in an early episode! Mistake Gabe!" until I realized that the actor who plays Michael's brother also played Graham's brother in My So-Called Life. My So-Called Life was also created by Zwick and Herskovitz. So there you go. Six Degrees of Michael's Brother. You're welcome.
+9 |
January 20, 2010 on Thirtysomething: Accounts Receivable
Totally awesome. Makes me a little weepy. I'm so grateful Norm MacDonald exists.

?Brett, 1945-2012

+4 |
January 20, 2010 on Norm MacDonald Belatedly Congratulates Conan O’Brien On Getting The Tonight Show
Britney will always be my angelfriend.
+1 |
January 19, 2010 on That’s Your Girlfriend: Britney Spears
Dear help, I am a 12-year-old girl living with my mother in Georgetown. She is very pretty and a famous actress. We are close. When I steal a cookie from the jar before dinner she chases me and tackles me and takes it away. She loves me. But she is not around a lot anymore. She is busy filming her movie and being divorced from my dad. I've been mad. I tried to get her to play with the Ouija board but she pretended that it didn't "like her very much." I peed on the floor during one of her annoying dinner parties just to prove a point. I shake my bed at night to try to wake her up and annoy her. To get her attention, I showed her my new walking down the stairs trick and she recoiled in horror. And this one time I carved "Help Me" into my stomach. I wanted to carve "Mom, This Is a Call for Help" but that was too long. What can I do to get my mom's attention again? Please help. Ps. I think she's an alcoholic. Pps. Her British director friend keep coming in my room when she's not home and it's making me angry.
+3 |
January 19, 2010 on Best New Party Game 14
I assume that once he became human Nicolas Cage learned very quickly that he can't continue walking around giving everyone the rapist face.
+15 |
January 18, 2010 on The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: City Of Angels
I hope this show solely consists of references to unseen past events on MacFarlane's previous three shows, then brief flashback segments to said events. Because comedy.
+13 |
January 18, 2010 on Ugh Aficionado Magazine
Speaking of threats, I think Morgan Freeman's narrated Visa Olympics commercial where you're sent to the games "For the rest of your life" sounds like a threat more than anything else.
+7 |
January 18, 2010 on The 2010 Golden Globes
I watch this bullshit every year with my mom because it makes her happy. I enjoyed...the misspelling of Chloe Sevigny's name (Chloi? Honestly, who thought she spelled her name like that? One god damn person, most likely, and he fucked the whole thing up) and Gervais' Mel Gibson joke. But the best, by far, was James Cameron's unbelievably tone-deaf acceptance speech for Avatar's best pic. The whole night was all about peace and Haiti and awesome boobs, and then he pulls the "give yourself a hand" thing and the show ends on this fantastic sour note. Evening ruined. I see you James Cameron!
+8 |
January 18, 2010 on The 2010 Golden Globes
Lauren, could you also call my boss and ask him not to fire me for having those images on my computer screen?
+15 |
January 15, 2010 on Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments
I still think television is an asshole, but I'll be damned if Pants on the Ground hasn't been stuck in my head for 16 hours, making me giggle every time I remember Randy saying "I'm gonna get some belts."
+4 |
January 14, 2010 on Pants On The Ground
I don't watch this show. I've seen it, but I never got into it. I caught a snippet of the episode last night, the Angry Rivers Cuomo part, and you know what? Fuck everyone on this show. They are all the asshole. The panel of judges? Big, wide assholes. That's nothing new. The teenagers who are being sent to Hollywood to compete this season? They were all 5-year-old assholes when this show debuted ten thousand years ago, and they've only grown up to be bigger, bolder assholes. (Also, their parents are assholes.) The ones with the sad stories? Assholes. Don't pimp your sad, asshole backstory to get on television. Ryan Seacrest is an asshole because I'm still not sure what he does exactly on this show. Does he have any responsibility or is he just there? You're an asshole, I'm an asshole. Television is an asshole.
+9 |
January 13, 2010 on American Idol Is An Asshole
"Martin Lawrence had his license revoked six months ago after driving his motorcycle through an outdoor cafe, thinking he was late to pick up his deceased wife from church."

That's racist, Gabe.

+1 |
December 18, 2009 on You Can Make It Up: Wild Hogs 3