Brett

Comments from Brett

No, I am not “that one actor from Band of Brothers, but smaller.”

-2 |
February 3, 2010 on The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Brett Ratner Hugs A Leprechaun

The Unbearable Whiteness of Being

+3 |
February 2, 2010 on The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Vanity Fair Young Hollywood Cover

This will sell. People will buy anything. People without kids to feed. Like my asshole cousin. He’ll show me all about it at some family function and be all excited and I’ll pretend like I’m interested and nod a lot and then be like, “Thanks. See you next year.” That will be the extent of my relationship with the iPad. Thanks, Jobs.

+16 |
January 27, 2010 on Apple iPad Open Thread

If you reach out to clean some sauce off my shirt, you better be my mom. Or we’re gonna have wordz.

+7 |
January 27, 2010 on thirtysomething: Whose Forest Is This

I came home drunk in the middle of the night last night and tried to read this, but gave up because it was confusing. I just tried to read it again and this movie still seems really confusing. What’s also weird is that I’m sure I saw this movie, but I’m still confused.

+5 |
January 26, 2010 on The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Domino

This is not the first time Britney’s spoken in a British accent.

+5 |
January 26, 2010 on Duh Aficionado Magazine: Haiti Doesn’t Need John Travolta’s Planefull Of Scientologists

Alright, I can’t be the only one who at first glance thought the photo of John C. Reilly was a photo of George Wendt.

+2 |
January 25, 2010 on Photos Of A Bunch Of Stupid Jerks At Sundance

Dear Conan,

I’ll see you at Fox or Comedy Central, so you won’t be lonely.

Forever,

Brett

+13 |
January 22, 2010 on The Final Episode Of The Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien Drinking Game

Why don’t we get off The Rock, I just got off yours.

+5 |
January 22, 2010 on A Round Up Of Positive Reviews Of Tooth Fairy

I like that TMZ has to clarify the slang’s misspelling. Thanks TMZ! The more you know!

+6 |
January 21, 2010 on Everyone On Jersey Shore Is A Nightmare?

The Masturbating Jay Leno Bear

+3 |
January 21, 2010 on R.I.P. Triumph The Insult Comic Dog (As We Know Him)

Yes, the Toothpick Substitute is also the best.

+1 |
January 20, 2010 on Thirtysomething: Accounts Receivable

You eating my sesame cake won’t bring back your goddamn honey.

+5 |
January 20, 2010 on 100 Cheesiest Movie Quotes

This is well done and great and everything, but I strongly disagree with one entry. “Stop eating my sesame cake!” from Congo is brilliant.

+5 |
January 20, 2010 on 100 Cheesiest Movie Quotes

That’s not a bad idea. I enjoy the Thirtysomething recaps as much as anyone (no one?), but a My So Called Life series might work a hell of a lot better. I can’t wait until the episode with Juliana Hatfield Christmas Angel Ghost!

+1 |
January 20, 2010 on Thirtysomething: Accounts Receivable

When Gabe was all “This is the first time we’ve heard of Michael’s brother” I was all “What are you talking about? He was in an early episode! Mistake Gabe!” until I realized that the actor who plays Michael’s brother also played Graham’s brother in My So-Called Life. My So-Called Life was also created by Zwick and Herskovitz. So there you go. Six Degrees of Michael’s Brother. You’re welcome.

+9 |
January 20, 2010 on Thirtysomething: Accounts Receivable

Totally awesome. Makes me a little weepy. I’m so grateful Norm MacDonald exists.

?Brett, 1945-2012

+4 |
January 20, 2010 on Norm MacDonald Belatedly Congratulates Conan O’Brien On Getting The Tonight Show

Britney will always be my angelfriend.

+1 |
January 19, 2010 on That’s Your Girlfriend: Britney Spears

Dear help,

I am a 12-year-old girl living with my mother in Georgetown. She is very pretty and a famous actress. We are close. When I steal a cookie from the jar before dinner she chases me and tackles me and takes it away. She loves me. But she is not around a lot anymore. She is busy filming her movie and being divorced from my dad. I’ve been mad. I tried to get her to play with the Ouija board but she pretended that it didn’t “like her very much.” I peed on the floor during one of her annoying dinner parties just to prove a point. I shake my bed at night to try to wake her up and annoy her. To get her attention, I showed her my new walking down the stairs trick and she recoiled in horror. And this one time I carved “Help Me” into my stomach. I wanted to carve “Mom, This Is a Call for Help” but that was too long. What can I do to get my mom’s attention again? Please help.

Ps. I think she’s an alcoholic.

Pps. Her British director friend keep coming in my room when she’s not home and it’s making me angry.

+3 |
January 19, 2010 on Best New Party Game 14

I assume that once he became human Nicolas Cage learned very quickly that he can’t continue walking around giving everyone the rapist face.

+15 |
January 18, 2010 on The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: City Of Angels