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crania americana
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 +12Posted on Oct 29th | re: Album Of The Week: Run The Jewels RTJ2 (112 comments)

This comment is hilarious when you re-imagine it as being from the joke account “things my Dad said in 1994.” Can’t wait to hear your next comment about how you’re looking forward to getting “Cracked Rear View” and “August and Everything After” from Columbia House. Or the one where you say that while you’re not usually into live albums, the Eagles’ “Hell Freezes Over” is a masterpiece. I’ll play along by replying “BUT WHY DID YOU MISS MY LITTLE LEAGUE GAME?” every time.

 +11Posted on Oct 28th | re: Belle & Sebastian - "Party Line" (14 comments)

Is this part of a Freaky Friday scenario where Of Montreal’s next album will sound like The Life Pursuit?

 +15Posted on Oct 28th | re: The War On Drugs: Mark Kozelek Is "Such A Douche" (110 comments)

A beer commercial set to a War on Drugs track would be pretty surreal. I’m just picturing some high-fives at a Broncos game, a scene or two of friends sharing knee-slapping laughter whilst playing billiards, and a slew of gratuitous cleavage shots soundtracked by “Eyes to the Wind” or something. It’s oddly moving stuff, at least as I’ve imagined it.

 +6Posted on Oct 24th | re: NYC Ebola Patient Attended CMJ Venue, Events Canceled (46 comments)

I love how people think you can just go “get checked” for ebola, as if you can waltz into a hospital and ask for an ebola test. It doesn’t work that way. Look, a lot of Americans involved in the relief effort have been going and coming from Africa since the outbreak, and so far, only two (!) have had the virus. This isn’t because they were the only idiots to not “get checked,” but rather because they simply don’t have the resources to “check” everyone and also because that’s not how the virus works. First, there’s a twenty-one day incubation period, which means sometimes you don’t know whether some has ebola or not until over a week after the fact. Second, since you can’t spread the disease until you’re symptomatic, the prudent thing isn’t to simply isolate everyone coming back from Africa or something, but rather to suggest that they self-monitor for symptoms. That’s what this guy did: he had felt fatigued, sure, but he reported once he had what seemed to be clear-cut ebola symptoms –– a fever and gastrointestinal discomfort. So again, here’s my futile plea: please, chill the fuck out, internet commenters (or least, read up on ebola at least a little).

 +2Posted on Oct 24th | re: NYC Ebola Patient Attended CMJ Venue, Events Canceled (46 comments)

I wrote “finance” instead of “fiance.” Classic mistake! Don’t be like me: proofread.

 +3Posted on Oct 24th | re: NYC Ebola Patient Attended CMJ Venue, Events Canceled (46 comments)

“I’m not an alarmist, but [alarmist statement].” Consdier the case of our first American ebola patient in Dallas, who unfortunately passed away. He had close contact with dozens of close friends and relatives after returning from Africa (and even after being discharged from the hospital, initially) including his finance. They were all either isolated or kept under close watch, and turns out none of them have ebola. The two people who contracted ebola were healthcare professionals who came in direct contact with his bodily fluids (meaning blood, feces, etc.). Measures like placing people who were in extremely close contact with people who contract ebola are done out of an overabundance of caution and in large part to assuage a public that is pretty terrified of a disease they don’t fully understand. Same goes for measures like closing the bowling alley or sanitizing the hell out of an airplane (as was the case with the patient who traveled to Cleveland while showing early symptoms). So to say anyone who was at the alley or around this dude at all should immediately get checked out is incredibly alarmist –– if you’re concerned, monitor yourself for awhile. If you get a fever, then go get it checked out. If not, chill the fuck out –– you’re fine.

 +1Posted on Oct 23rd | re: Thurston Moore Sees Your Snarky Tweets About Him (16 comments)

Well, the internet has changed how people interact in a weird way: what used to be private thoughts or things shared between friends or in low key conversations are now aired out in this very public setting in a way that affects people. I don’t think this is revolutionary, and I’m not even sure it’s necessarily bad, but it’s certainly cause for reflection. So while whether the internet has changed the quality of public discourse at all is unclear, certainly the line between public and private has blurred considerably. This makes your life very strange if you’re even a semi-public figure. Future’s weird, dog.

 +12Posted on Oct 21st | re: Taylor Swift - "Welcome To New York" (83 comments)

“Empire State of Mind” is and always has been complete garbage, a sterling example of how vapid and pointless all songs about New York have become. The “where dreams are made of” line you reference has always boggled my mind. How did anyone let that slide? Ugh. I just can’t take anymore of this “gee whiz! The Big Apple!” bullshit.

 +21Posted on Oct 21st | re: Taylor Swift - "Welcome To New York" (83 comments)

There should be a moratorium on songs about NYC (and California, for that matter, but I’ll table that discussion for now). No one has anything to say about NYC that hasn’t already been said. If you want to write about New York State, though, by all means do it! I’ve never heard a good song about Buffalo or Rochester. Write a song about the Finger Lakes! They look like fingers for Christ’s sake! That’s interesting! Just don’t write a song about how magic NYC is, because fuck that. Put your finger anywhere on a map of the states, and you’ll have found something more worthy of examination than NYC. Write a song about Wyoming! It’s crazy! Fucking geysers and shit! I’ve just had it with songs about this fucking city –– it’s the height of laziness.

 +10Posted on Oct 20th | re: The Smashing Pumpkins - "Being Beige" (49 comments)

“Great to hear Tommy Lee on the skins here, but I’m still waiting for a new Methods of Mayhem album!” — the saddest person in the world.