crania americana
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 +4Posted on Oct 20th | re: The Smashing Pumpkins - "Being Beige" (32 comments)

“Great to hear Tommy Lee on the skins here, but I’m still waiting for a new Methods of Mayhem album!” — the saddest person in the world.

How dare they besmirch the good name of Butte legend Evel Knievel with such tawdriness! Is what the only person ever to be sober at Evel Knievel Days might have said, if it was conceivable that an attendee of that august event could possibly have a BAC below .15

I was just thinking about how tired I was of all these stupid surprise gimmicks artists have been pulling. This makes me realize that’s just because I don’t like any of those people, because I think this is wonderful. Color me (for once) pleasantly surprised.

 +9Posted on Oct 18th | re: Gwen Stefani - "Baby Don't Lie" (30 comments)

Well it’s better than “Rich Girl,” so that’s something.*

*Note: statement may apply to almost every song ever released.

 +6Posted on Oct 17th | re: Eric Church Is Our Greatest Working Rock Star (29 comments)

Still taking applications for greatest malfunctioning rock star, though –– that slot’s been vacant since Fred Durst and Scott Stapp stopped being relevant.

 +6Posted on Oct 16th | re: The Week In Pop: The History Of Kesha Vs. Dr. Luke (22 comments)

It’s a good career move when you think about it. “Conspiratorial Malthusian/ second-tier R&B performer Chris Brown” is quite a bit more palatable than “infamous domestic abuse perpetrator/ second tier R&B performer Chris Brown.”

 +27Posted on Oct 16th | re: The Week In Pop: The History Of Kesha Vs. Dr. Luke (22 comments)

Happy to see Michelle putting her clout behind the turnip, a perennially underrated root vegetable. It’s definitely near the top of my root vegetables from worst to best list.

I meant “in EVERY Steregum thread” in that second sentence there. I tend to be a little sloppy when I’m rage posting.

What the fuck is wrong with people like you? I swear, in Stereogum thread about a woman some fucking idiot comes out of the woodwork and offers their opinion on whether or not they would fuck them. It’s deplorable shit, and I can’t believe there are people out there who think otherwise. And it’s especially fucked up to do so in this thread, where the person in question is making allegations of sexual assault. I know you probably think you’re so edgy and hilarious right now, but you’re not –– you are a sad piece of shit who represents everything wrong with the culture of internet commenters. If anyone wants to see what misogyny looks like, it’s right fucking here! THIS IS TEXTBOOK MISOGYNY. And people that propagate this type of bullshit should be banned, no questions asked. Like I said, this shit happens all the time in these threads, but I’m just going to heap my vitriol on you so I can go about my life and not spend hours a day hacking away at every dipshit anonymous sexist that thinks readers of an indie music website want to have to see this garbage. So fuck you, and fuck everyone like you. (Here’s an article for all of you cretins to read if you’re not convinced by my rant. Still not convinced? Well, fuck it, I tried.

 +3Posted on Oct 11th | re: Of Course Don Henley Is Suing Over This Punny Shirt Ad (8 comments)

He’s just upset because Glen Frey sings lead on “Take it Easy.” If the ad had said: “Don a Henley, Desperado!” or “You Should Don a Henley One of These Nights!” or even “Don a Henley, You Witchy Woman (men’s sizes also available),” I think this would have gone over much more smoothly.