dr. scientician

Comments from dr. scientician

Oh. My. God. I haven’t thought about this game in a MILLION YEARS. I used to play it all the time when I was a kid, and it was the most exasperating, futile thing I have experienced under the guise of “entertainment.” I remember dying randomly because of the evil of the house overwhelming me or something? Ah, memories.

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November 15, 2010 on The Walking Dead S01E02: No One On The Corner Has Stagger Like Grimes

What I love best about this baby, besides her hairstyle, is her frequent use of the napkin. That is one conscientious, hard-rockin’ baby.

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September 28, 2010 on Baby Eating Chili To Dubstep

Having lived for a while in a small town in rural Kentucky (yes, it was hell) where everyone and their mom goes tanning, it seemed like every local business had tanning beds. Video stores, convenience stores, laundromats, etc. all had tanning beds on-site for your skin-crispening enjoyment. Even now, back in civilization, there is a place down the street that has everything you will ever need in life: laundromat/dry cleaning, tanning, daquiri bar, and ice cream parlor ALL IN ONE. Now THAT is a business model.

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September 15, 2010 on Video Rental Stores Now Offering Tanning Beds (??!??)

Kudos for gettin’ all scientastic up in here. This is hands-down my favorite response to any of these dating site spam comments that have surfaced as of late.

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June 21, 2010 on Between Two Ferns With Zach Galifianakis Live, With Brian Williams

I don’t even have words for the confluence of brilliance in this comment. Kudos to you, fellow monster.

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June 8, 2010 on That’s Your Girlfriend: Keyboard Cathy

This movie was exactly what I thought it would be, in that I laughed out loud a couple of times and spent a lot time being grossed out and left the theater going, “Meh. That was thoroughly adequate.” Maybe it would have been more entertaining if I was high. Probably.

I will go on record as being perhaps the only monster who enjoyed Ryan Phillpe’s character, however. I appreciated the entertainment that came from Lt. Piper being the only person in the MacGruberverse who could see what a ridiculous, selfish fuck-up McGruber is. Kristen Wiig’s anxious tone and facial expressions were funny, but didn’t make me laugh nearly as much as Phillipe’s perpetual WTF?-face.

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May 24, 2010 on The Videogum Movie Club: MacGruber

God, I was going to be disappointed if someone didn’t post this gif. Die Antwoord and the Dark Side Underpants Dance was all I could think of when watching the video. Ninja knows how to plan appropriately for a mid-day underpants dance party: non-restricting garments and a skinny white girl acting as a hype man.

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May 19, 2010 on This Dude Is Having A Rave In His Living Room In The Middle Of The Day And We Are All Invited

I watched this video on mute, a lesson I learned the hard way after the very, very bad mistake of watching the “Blah Blah Blah” video with the audio on. I concur with the comments regarding the grossness of the Yellow Submarine imagery. I am much more offended, however, by her ongoing co-opting of “native” imagery (e.g., war paint) to communicate that she is wild and fierce. She is disgusting AND embarrassing.

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May 13, 2010 on Ultimately, Ke$ha Is Our Fault

I know I do that same dance whenever presented with a bag of Cheetos.

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May 12, 2010 on Teachers Are Still Charming And Ridiculous Dorks

I am seriously sad that anyone old enough to even consider getting married would want this hideous-ass ring. I could see someone giving/receiving this as a “promise” ring since that seems right in line with the sexual mores of Twilight fans, but as an actual engagement ring? Seriously?

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April 29, 2010 on Teen Korner: Twilight Engagement Rings, So One Day You Can Marry Someone Who Tackily Encourages Your Miserable Obsessions

I see what they did there.

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April 20, 2010 on The Least Enticing Movie Poster Of All Time: Gun

This post just would not have been complete without the Spirit of Jazz. Thank you for that.

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April 8, 2010 on Nicolas Cage Is The New Terrence Howard

I shall brook no disrespect of the awesomeness that is Akron, Corbin Bernsen-funded faith-based dreck or not. In addition to being the Rubber City and home of the Soap Box Derby, this fine, fine municipality has provided the world with Lebron James, Alcoholics Anonymous, and more polymer engineering than you can shake a teflon-coated stick at. So y’all haterz can SUCK IT.

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April 7, 2010 on Corbin Bernsen Fights The Important Fight

Thank you for the update on Die Antwoord. I was starting to get worried about them, but not worried enough to Google them. Whew — anxiety reduced.

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March 15, 2010 on Die Antwoord Sign To Interscope Records

I love too how he steps between Captain Crazypants and the crew to defend them. You can hear around 1:57 where he tells him to get away from the cameraman.

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March 12, 2010 on Rest Your Case, Dude!

They didn’t want to have to share their meth. Also, they didn’t have anyone to watch their rat while they were away.

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March 11, 2010 on Worlds Been Had Colliding: Diplo And James Cameron Edition

This comment is one of those situations in which I wish I had a million upvotes all for you.

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March 11, 2010 on I Fu*king Hate This Calvin Klein Commercial

That little one brought a tear to my eye. What a cutie. I love how once he wrapped his brain around it, it was all cool — just a little tweak to an existing paradigm, with no judgmental subtext. Like someone just told him that whales are mammals and he was like, “but they live in the water and dogs are mammals and… what… whales and dogs… wha… Okay. I’m going to go play ping pong now.”

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March 10, 2010 on Kids Are Unperturbed By Gay Marriage The Darndest Things

Wow — this “video” is like someone took it upon themselves as their life’s work to make the worst thing ever created by human beings. It is breathtaking in its complete and utter horribleosity, to the point where I have a hard time believing that it is not meant ironically. It’s like Die Antwoord, but real. I think.

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February 25, 2010 on Blah Blah Blah, Indeed: Ke$ha Has Always Been Terribl$

*making me have to stop lurking. Wow, first comment ever FAIL.

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February 25, 2010 on Welcome To The New Videogum