Jesse Kaellis

Comments from Jesse Kaellis

Gallon of gasoline, pound of white sugar, box of wooden matches + Ricky Gervais. Hahaha! Get it? GET IT? Why is CK Louis funny? Not to me. I like Jonathon Winters. I worked as a masseur at Bally's LV in 1987. I got Louie Anderson (make me laugh fat boy! I wanted to grab him by the throat, 3 dollar tip), I got George Wallace, he gave me 10 for the hour, John Wood, five bucks for the half. In '88 I was a masseur at the Trop and I gave Rodney Dangerfield a towel and a glass of juice. He stiffed me. The joke was on me I guess. After that I broke in as a dice dealer. F*ck massaging. Comedians ain't too funny when they aren't getting paid. Maybe it's not fun when it's pressure all the time. The bigger guys must have writers. I figure the key to observational humor is the requisite nasally voice. "Winnebago's! WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?!" "Hello Chicago! Who's dying of cancer?! Raise your hand!" "Dogs wagging their tails! I DON'T GET IT!" People get angry if you don't laugh at the same things they do. Like George Carlin. I don't even smile when he does his schtick. Nothing, Nada, zero. The guy was never funny. Or insightful or anything at all, but he did have that whiny voice. He had that down. Okay! Thanks, thanks a lot.
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September 4, 2012 on Duh Aficionado Magazine: Ricky Gervais Is An Asshole