Jonathan Volk

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And its horror characters did what no other horror characters ever do: went shit got spooky in their house, they MOVED OUT!

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June 7, 2013 on This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys

I kept waiting for one of those ebaumsworld dead faces with red eyes and a scream to flash in the center of her energy ball, revealing this for the prank it so desperately should be.

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April 26, 2013 on Tila Tequila Creating Energy Balls And Electricity

Hey, so I heard NBC’s no longer going to be graded on a curve. Seriously that’s what I heard, folks. From now on, they’re NBF. Right, Kevin?

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March 28, 2013 on Hey, Want To Write Some NBC Jokes For Jay Leno?

I’m trying to understand the vitriLOL leveled at Foster. The speech had weird parts (uhhhhh Mel Gibson), but here’s my take:

This is one of those really sensitive identity politics moments where I’m going to generalize and feel uncomfortable and terrible for doing so but yeesh here goes: it is, from what I can tell, largely straight people casting the stones here.

As a queer person who’s gone through the garbage of “coming out”—and it is MOSTLY garbage, because your straight friends will tell you they feel betrayed by how long you withheld your “secret” and maybe your parents will disown you or ask, meekly, if you sometimes are interested in the opposite sex, which is really another way of asking, why can’t you be a different person?—can I say the judgment re Foster coming out is mostly—to this reader—sound and fury?

Foster has been in the glass closet for decades, a major point of contention in the queer community, sure, but also a point of contention that truly belongs to THAT community. It’s fine to hear all the opinions on the matter, but if you aren’t queer then your opinions will always come appended with the asterisks of outsiderness.

I felt moved by Foster’s speech which absolutely WAS, in no uncertain terms, a coming out without the magic words “I am gay”. Is this so shameful? Do we need a wingardium I’mgayoso to normalize queer experience and make it resolvable/relatable to the non-queer community?

I will be honest: I resent every time I had to tell a friend or family member or stranger or doctor I was gay. I resent the systems of power that have long made queer people invisible and now demand of us that we out ourselves for the sake of visibility. I resent that I can’t hold the hand of my partner in public without it feeling like a political statement, and that simultaneously I MUST be politically active because of the real violence still directed at queer people.

At its most powerful, Foster’s speech captured the ambivalence of being queer in America (and all the other places where you can be queer without being imprisoned or murdered). We are here and mostly relieved to be here, in 2013, but FUCK do we wish we could be private and safe too and FUCK is there a lot left to #getbetter.

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January 14, 2013 on The 2013 Golden Globe Awards