Comments from soldier_of_fortune_cookies

I really loved posting on here, and I will miss it. Thank you for the good times.
0 |
February 6, 2014 on Hey Guys, We Have To Talk To You About Something
The cynical bear in me immediately wonders how long it took dad to coach his kid to pretend to cry for the camera so they could go viral. The cuddly bear in me goes "aw, he's so cute." I'm conflicted.
+3 |
February 3, 2014 on Child Needs To Be Left Alone With His Feelings, Dad
Seconds after this video was uploaded, Peyton Manning woke up in a cold sweat. It was like he had a nightmare - he FELT like he'd had a nightmare - but couldn't remember any of the details. He fumbled for his phone and called Wes Welker. Wes picked up after the first ring. "Wes, I just had the strangest thing happen," he stuttered. Wes was silent for a second before he quietly replied, "I know, Peyton. I felt it too. We all did. And something ain't right. I am telling you right now, something is just not right."
+17 |
January 31, 2014 on Three Katherine Chloe Cahoons, Dancing For The Super Bowl
I don't think this is gonna be Leo's year.
+7 |
January 16, 2014 on The 2014 Academy Award Nominees
Dr. Snow From Russia with Love (no change necessary) Coldfinger Thundersnowball You Only Live in Ice On her Majesty's Secret Black Ice Snowballs Are Forever Live and Let Ski The Man with the Frozen Gun The Spy Who Froze Me Icemaker For Your Ice Only Frostopussy Never Go Outside Again A View to Freeze The Living Northern Lights License to Freeze FrozenEye Tomorrow's Dry Ice The World Does Not Have Enough Snow Ski Another Day Quantum of Shoveling Snowfall
+5 |
January 6, 2014 on Best New Party Game: Cold Movies
They have also programmed the Roomba to make a doorbell noise at random times. It is a dog nightmare machine!
+7 |
December 24, 2013 on Favorite Animal Videos Of 2013
He has seen some shit. You don't even want to know.
+9 |
December 24, 2013 on Favorite Animal Videos Of 2013
Yes, that was the only one that made me angry instead of "aww". He seems really manhandled and unable to properly walk and he probably hates the snow.
+4 |
December 24, 2013 on Favorite Animal Videos Of 2013
I really liked the spirit of the episode; not a whole lot of belly laughs, but I smiled throughout and everyone seemed to be having fun, which is fun to watch! People having fun, good times. Barry Gibb (the real one) seemed just happy to be there but not sure what was going on, which made me smile more than it should have. Madonna being there made no sense. Did she put in a grill for no reason? I kind of wished they'd have let Kate McKinnon have a girl with her in her twin bed. Each girl was playing themselves in that song, right? It's not like this would have been weird; there was that whole sketch about gay Ebeneezer Scrooge (the less said the better even though I love Taran Killam with all of my heart and loins). Maybe "gay" is still a punchline on SNL, idk. But overall I really liked it and both of Justin's performances were great, especially the second acoustic song with the strings. He has talent; I can see him going places.
+4 |
December 23, 2013 on Saturday Night Live: Jimmy Fallon And Justin Timberlake
I feel very relaxed. This video is our generations Red Balloon.
+6 |
November 12, 2013 on The Sudden, Beautiful Snow
Oh man, I'm in the Ball? I feel so good. So light. As if God himself were raising me up on Statham's wings.
+10 |
May 31, 2013 on Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Top Comments
Now I lay me down to sleep I pray to Statham my life to keep If I should die before I wake Statham didn't do his job
+21 |
May 29, 2013 on Stathamprints In The Sand
Oh man, has someone told Lady? She's going to have to up her Twerk game.
0 |
May 29, 2013 on Yes, And Bubblebutt
+2 |
May 29, 2013 on Science Channel’s Cicada Live-Cam Is A Nightmare
And that's enough for today, Internet. Go home, Internet, you're drunk.
+3 |
November 30, 2012 on Friday Adele Butterdance Party!
I thought it was just OK. It bugged me that they had Cecily Strong play both Paula Broadwell AND Jill Kelley. She made a great Jill Kelley but why not put Kate McKinnon in a brown wig and have her play Broadwell? She's got the big blue eyes. It was just a dissonance that bothered me more than something on SNL should have. Jeremy Renner was good. They did not give him good material but he did his best with what he had.
+13 |
November 19, 2012 on Saturday Night Live: Jeremy Renner And Maroon 5
I could not understand a single word that dude was singing.
+4 |
November 5, 2012 on Saturday Night Live: Louis C.K. And Fun.
Sad Mouse was more sweet and touching than I've come to expect from SNL. Every other sketch was over-the-top mugging, men in dresses (LOL EVERY TIME), and crude sex jokes. I thought Bruno Mars did a great job. They could have given him more to do, he clearly is capable.
+4 |
October 23, 2012 on Saturday Night Live: Bruno Mars (And Tom Hanks)
It almost looks like she begins choking on invisible food. Is she OK? I hope she's OK. #QVCHostVigil2012
+2 |
October 8, 2012 on ABC: Always Be Continuing-To-Sell-After-Someone-Faints
Is that her real singing voice? Because it really isn't half bad. Which is a shame because everything else is a filmed definition of the German word "Fremdschämen".
0 |
October 8, 2012 on Katherine Chloe Cahoon’s Music Video Is Here, Perfect
Its completely self-indulgent, sometimes downright uncomfortable to watch, and yet it is still funnier and more clever than most every other show on television these days. Sometimes I relate to a situation, sometimes I cover my eyes and feeling fremdschamen for everyone on screen. As for the Maron bit, it felt a little off to me, but knowing that he was also on the WTF podcast makes this seem like a sort of bookend - like they both needed to have an outlet for the situation from both of their perspectives. But really, you're right, who cares? Who gives a crap if Louis CK and Marc Maron had beef and it took 10 years for them to get over it. I don't know. Its funny and real life is hard so sometimes I enjoy staring at the lives of others.
+3 |
August 10, 2012 on Louis C.K. And Television As Conflict Management
And then the elephant head fell off the mount and engulfed Chet all the way to his waist #gothazed
+2 |
August 9, 2012 on Maybe We Actually Should #GETHAZED
It was so much more awkward when Martin Wuttke said the same thing about playing Adolf Hitler in Inglorious Basterds.
+9 |
August 9, 2012 on Everything’s Cool With The Princess Diana Biopic, Says PRINCESS DIANA!
Ragu: For when teaching the lessons of life is just too hard. "Mommy, why is grandma laying in that box?" - Marinara! "Dad, Erica smiled at me and something happened in my pants." - Bolognese! "Where did mommy go?" - Mushroom and basil!
+14 |
August 7, 2012 on Ragu: For When Your Parents Are Getting It Wet
Whatever, bitches just be jealous of my Orin.
+2 |
August 7, 2012 on Teen Korner: Target’s $999 Hunger Games Brooch
You know what the world needs? More joke raps by people like this. It helps if they bounce up and down while waving their hands gracelessly. More of this, please. Lots and lots more.
+2 |
August 6, 2012 on Smoke Free Campus Rap Is Worth It