ELI Manning is the fuckin Coldplay OF FOOTBALL. Second fiddle IN HIS GENETIC talent pool YET SOMEHOW with a ton of ACCOLADES. Does just enough SHIT right or INTERESTING enough to create a STEADY supply of "ELI Manning Is GOOD, Actually" bullshit PIECES that you TURN over in YOUR mind until THAT third L in a row MAKES you reconsider that maybe "Shivers" WAS actually always SOME gooey shit.
But at the END OF the day, no matter HOW elite he MIGHT BE or how YOU MIGHT think "Wait, FUCK, I like "Clocks" still?" he's still THE SAME goofy LOOKIN motherfucker.
The OTHER stuff means we're DONE AND a disaster, LIKE MY DEEP fried attempts and marriage, BUT DON'T you DARE shit on the COWBOYS on my watch, buddy. THAT shit is the one, SOLE gift from the NUMERO Uno UP above this fucking YEAR.
SOME people just DON'T fucking KNOW how to EXPRESS themselves IN A goddamn COHERENT manner. LIKE THE schools FUCKING failed EM all or they JUST chose not to even GIVE A shit.
THIS IS long and I'LL read it in a minute, BUT I JUST wanted to let you know I made you SOMETHING:
http://goodbyegabe.tumblr.com/
I'LL miss you, GABE, AND I HOPE you fucking own fuckers WITH THE LOL'S and INTROSPECTION from here ON OUT.
HAVE a very SINCERE and fun AND BEAUTIFUL dinner everybody.
WHATEVER you do, don't ACTUALLY GOOGLE "trampoline accident." I DID IT earlier today FOR MY GIFT and the third image IS SOMEONES ankle FUCKING SNAPPED off.
OF COURSE they have LITTLE feet. HOW ELSE do you think THEY'RE going to WALK out of the TOXIC PUDDLES formed by THE Vietnam WAR 2 caused NUCLEAR APOCALYPSE? ONLY NIGHTMARES await US in the future. STINGRAY NIGHTMARES.
GONNA be a cute fucking apocalypse THOUGH.
That puppy video YOU DIDN'T put in THE LIST, Kelly, is indeed VERY SWEET and very MOVING, but goddamn it TURN YOUR phone TO THE side, WONDERFUL therapists!
RELAX, Gabe. WE ALL know that OLD PEOPLE aren't REALLY people. They're JUST WEIRD! AND FUNNY! Definitely NOT mortal human BEINGS with their own wants AND REGRETS who are AT THEIR very end, GRAPPLING every day WITH THEIR own mortality AND IMPENDING deaths--TRYING to slow DOWN A propulsive MARCH that will LEAVE them as dust--so LET'S JUST all AGREE to LOTS OF LOVE along WITH THAT video!
FALLEN sparks. FRAGMENTS of vessels BROKEN AT THE Creation. AND SOMEDAY, somehow, BEFORE THE end, a gathering back TO HOME. A MESSENGER from the Kingdom, ARRIVING at the last moment. BUT I TELL you there is NO SUCH message, NO SUCH home--ONLY the millions OF LAST moments... nothing MORE. Our history IS AN aggregate OF last MOMENTS.
FUCK standing DESKS. WE are truly a society OF PEOPLE looking for FUCKING problems.
"OH man, YOU HAD to work on your FEET ALL day doing ACTUAL labor to FEED your starving FAMILY on an UNDERPAID wage in this shitty economy? I know EXACTLY what you mean! I have TO SIT DOWN at work sOoOoOo much AND IT'S TERRIBLE! That's why I GOT A DESK where I can stand all DAY! LIKE a nurse! I'm so JEALOUS OF the "ACTIVE LIFESTYLE!" THEY get to live." - those FUCKING guys
ONE DAY, someone WILL ASK Gabe what HE THOUGHT of his Videogum DAYS--what he GOT OUT of the blood, sweat, AND snark he poured INTO IT, the TECHNOJEREMYS he told TO relax, THE TERRIBLE fucking FILMS he had to ENDURE--and HE'LL look up, EYES brimming WITH tears, a FEELING deep DOWN welling UPWARD and coming TO A HEAD AS he smiles AND says "I was there when Gerard Butler hit 1 million fans on Facebook."
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