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Ooooh ooooh I have animal stories! Last night I saw a deer family with a tiny baby fawn on the side of the road, and last weekend I saw both a pair of alpacas AND a pair of miniature donkeys in what turned out to be a very charming small-town VT 4th of July parade. The miniature donkeys were pulling a cart, but the lady was walking beside the cart instead of sitting on it, because this is VT and we love our animals and they were very, very small. OH AND ALSO, after the parade, I was driving and I looked off into a field and there was a cow and Mr Moms the Scot said "oh look that guys is calving that cow" and then I glanced back and a calf POPPED OUT OF THE COW AND ON TO THE GROUND AND STARTED MOVING. Which, I understand conceptually, is how most things are born, but still holy shit it was amazing! Needless to say, it was a great weekend.

Nah, I'm just a badass girl with no fashion sense. They were Krispy Kremes! Which have somehow taken off in the UK as well. Everyone stood around the box but no one reached in. It was a pretty uptight office.

We saw one that was about 2 hours old on the Isle of Mull - it was running down the road baa-ing and so I got out and tried to shoo it off to the side, which took a very long time because it was brand new and literally had no idea at all how the world works or what was going on. It tried to follow the car. The cute factor was indescribable.

Today has been soooooo weird. I normally work from home and wear a sweatsuit, except when I change into jogging gear, after which I shower and then return to my sweatsuit, and sometimes if it's slow I just hang out and secretly watch Dr Who and I love it. And every so often I put on steel-toed Timberlands and hang out in a field with cranes (lifting not flying) for a day. But today I've been sent out to act as a customer liaison which means I had to put on a dress and tights and now I am in the most corporate-y of corporate places and someone just brought in a whole mess of donuts and NO ONE IS EATING THEM!!! I do not understand this world on any level.

Ooooh you're coming to Scotland, no? GOOD NEWS: the trees are budding and it has stopped snowing, there are lambs EVERYWHERE and I found a place that has miniature donkeys and one of them is pregnant so in the next few months there will be a baby miniature donkey. And I don't know what it says about me, but I have never before been excited about anything like I am excited about the baby miniature donkey.

Don't tell him, but the move was A LOT for a man...the accent and the kilt (and his admission that the kilt can be used as a sex thing WOW) pretty much sealed the deal.

Yeah the lack of sun is a little rough, especially in December when is "rises" at 9 AM and "sets" at 3. But it's a stunning place, with or without the sun. I spend a lot of time driving/outside for work, and the farther afield you go the more beautiful it gets. And after a while black pudding salad starts to feel normal. I guess my top 3 suggestions for quick assimilation would be: 1) Buy several pairs of wellies and knee high welly socks so you are always in fashion 2) Let go of any previous expectations you had regarding your daily consumption of fresh vegetables/things that are not fried (i have seen someone eat a fried...pizza) 3) Understand that "wee" can mean anything from small and cute ("you're a wee thing") to catastrophic ("it's just a wee drainage problem") I'm outside of Glasgow so if you're around this area let me know when you get here and we can have a crass American monster meet-up.

I just moved to Scotland - a little bit for work, a little bit for a man, but mostly because lambing season is fast approaching, and I'm pretty sure if I play my cards right I will get to sit in barn under a FLOCK OF FROLICKING LAMBS. The food is mysterious and the language incomprehensible, but damn do the Scots know how to churn out some cute baby animals.

I just joined a charity curling tournament and I tried so, so hard to make our team name These Curlers Don't Run. No one else seemed to be amused.

Eh, fine, living in Montpelier, eating lots of quinoa and sprouted grains and going to poetry slams and ukelele shows. I alternate almost constantly between "this is so quaint and great and i love it!" to "fuuuuuuuuuuck."

There you are! Where have you been? I feel like you've been gone for some time, no? Let's inappropriately use the comments section to catch up.

I mean...has it not occurred to anyone involved in this that they could....they could just change the key? Like, just lower that fucker an octave! Bring it down! And then when you modulate an unprecedented 73 times, you won't have to channel a tone-deaf Mariah Carey.

How has this NOT led to your lasagna recipe?! Please tell us what you put in your lasagna! I need to know more about the sauces!

I ended up sitting back-to-back with J Timberlake in a restaurant in LA...being from the backwoods of Vermont and already WAY out of my element, I completely froze and was unable to move, speak, breathe, eat, make eye contact, or down a tequila shot. When I was finally able to take SOME kind of action, I stood up, said "Nope, can't do it" and, to the horror of my very cool, very LA dining companions, left in the middle of dinner. This was the same trip when my bra literally fell to pieces on my body and I went to Victoria's Secret for an emergency replacement, only to discover that the one other person shopping there was, of course, January Jones.

My dachshund has eaten ALL of the couches and destroyed ALL of the carpets and has recently started dropping a ball onto the thin ice of the pond and then jumping in after it and almost drowning. Wanna trade?

All announcers will be forced to use alliteration and present while someone sucks on their earlobe.

This makes at least 3 Vermonsters here! It's embarrassing that we call ourselves that, but I'm pretty sure that if we own it we can make it work.

I arrived at the gym this morning at 6 AM and literally ran into a grown woman wearing a complete ladybug costume which included headband antennae, a leotard and NO PANTS. Ugh, that woman.

As I've mentioned before, I tend to be too lazy to change the channel, and I catch most of Whitney, and what I simply cannot get over is what a HORRIBLE FUCKING AWFUL TERRIBLE person she is! She is like some kind of nightmare representation of the worst kind of female stereotype, and her (fake pretend tv) boyfriend is like "oh, you're so crazy, that's why i love you" and I am like "no she is a manipulative BITCH who ruins your jeans and puts HIDDEN CAMERAS IN YOUR HOUSE!!! Get out of there!!!" Unfortunately, I can't seem to stop hate-watching this mess.

So I watched Whitney last night because I wasn't quite done with my wine and we have rabbit ears and a digital box converter thing and only get 3 stations, so choices were limited (also, i'm lazy, and was sort of drunk) and I can honestly say that I have NEVER been so baffled by a show. Has anyone else watched even 2 minutes of it? I'm assuming no, because no one hates their eyes that much, but I would really love someone, just one person, with whom to discuss how completely fucking terrible it is.