Posts tagged "Parenting"

Tiny Darth Vader Skipping Through A Garden

Come on, Tiny Darth Vader! We have a lot to get to today! Tell your mom to turn her iPhone on its side so we could get a better look at what's going on here, though that isn't to say that we don't understand, because we can all picture exactly what's going on here just… More »

By: Kelly Conaboy / January 10, 2013

When To Dress Your Kids As Breaking Bad

Scenario 1: The children don't know what Breaking Bad is, but you, their parents, think it would be hilarious to dress them up as Walter White and Jesse Pinkman for Halloween. While it's not particularly unusual or alarming for parents to use their children as unwitting props for their own amusement, you should remember that… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / September 26, 2012

Are Children Toys?

Listen, I mean, I know that "children aren't toys." That seems obvious. They are humans and definitely seem like things that you need to be VERY careful around, even when you don't own them yourself. Like if you decide to walk across the street when you don't have a "walk" sign and there is a… More »

By: Kelly Conaboy / April 12, 2012


I don't know what it is about video cameras that make people think that using them to capture their baby's dangerous activity is going to make their baby not get injured, but BOY OH BOY does it seem like people are under that impression! YOU GUYS! BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR BABIES! I don't have a… More »

By: Kelly Conaboy / January 24, 2012

Please Remove Your Toddler From The Toilet

Dear Mom, I understand the desire to preserve every moment in your child's life. I'm not a mother myself, but I do have tiny cousins and I think many my friends are very cute, so I'm empathetic to your situation. I have lots of photos and lots of videos on my iPhone of people literally… More »

By: Kelly Conaboy / October 17, 2011

Let’s Name Snoop Dogg’s Sitcom!

Not sure how this was originally reported last week and we somehow missed it, all of us, but we are all equally to blame and we all need to learn how to forgive ourselves. In any case THIS (from Deadline): Snoop Dogg’ — a sitcom star? The rapper-actor has teamed with sitcom veteran Do… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / September 20, 2011

Do It Cause Daddy Says So

You gotta trust daddy, who may or may not have the time to explain it to you. OBEYING CAN BE FUN! But let's also put the emergency phone numbers on the fridge, just in case daddy gets real busy. (Via ChristianNightmares.)… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / September 9, 2011

The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Angelina Jolie Vanity Fair Photoshoot

Whoa. This photo of Angelina Jolie from the upcoming issue of Vanity Fair in which she is whispering into the ear of her one child who will definitely grow up normal and well-adjusted for sure while her other daughter who will also grow up very normal almost TOO normal probably stands in the background i… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / August 30, 2011

You Must Be This Barf To Barf On This Barf

Eli Roth is warning parents not to take their children on his Hostel-themed horror maze. Wait, who are the parents who were going to do that and who also need parenting tips from Eli Roth? Asking for a department of child welfare office. More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / August 8, 2011

Babies Are Allowed To Be Jerks Almost Always

I've never had a kid, so I'm sure I just don't understand, but what's the deal with parents not stopping their kids from being jerks all the time? The other day I was on the train and two kids next to me were fighting. And they were kind of getting me involved in their fight,… More »

By: Kelly Conaboy / July 13, 2011

Perhaps Our Parents Just Want Us Dead

I often think about how my father didn't take much time out to play with me. Sure, he let me touch a skeleton once and he would take me down to the train station to throw rocks at the boxcars, but other than that he was a pretty busy man and kept to himself. My… More »

By: Mans / March 14, 2011

Bill O’Reilly Vs. Jennifer Aniston: Lamest Feud Of 2010

As someone who genuinely loves a good feud ("RIP EACH OTHER'S FACES OFF WITH YOUR MOUTH!" -- Gabe), especially a good Coconut O'Reilly feud, because he really lays it all out on the banana line, I cannot tell you how disappointed I have been this week following along with the Jennifer Aniston vs. Bill O'Reilly… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / August 13, 2010

Some Parenting Tips For Gary Busey

Oh hell. Gary Busey had a baby. His name is Luke, and by all appearances he is an actual human being, rather than a drug-addled, paranoid fugue state. I hope that Mr. Busey and his girlfriend are very happy. I hope that they raise their young son into a thoughtful and engaged young man, sensitive… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / May 7, 2010

Gwyneth Paltrow Manages To Find A Way To Tolerate Her Children

Gwyneth Paltrow has taped an episode of The Ellen DeGeneres Show that won't broadcast until Thursday, by why wait two days when we can make fun of her now! First of all, she wants more kids, which is not a thing to make fun of. People are allowed to want more kids, even jerks. But… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / April 27, 2010

What Exactly Was The Alec Baldwin Misunderstanding?

As you have probably heard by now, Alec Baldwin, famous for his hilarious voicemail messages, was rushed to a hospital last night following a disagreement with his 14-year-old daughter, Ireland, when same daughter called the police. From the AP: Alec Baldwin, a star of NBC's "30 Rock," was examined Thursday at a hospital after… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / February 11, 2010

David After Dentist, Behold Your Legacy!

When "David After Dentist" first appeared, it definitely raised some people's moral hackles, and began an impassioned public dialog. Was it appropriate to videotape your children and put those videotapes on the Internet where anyone could see them? More importantly, should children even be allowed to go to the dentist?! What is the difference… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / December 2, 2009

The Two Best Minutes Of Bruno

In retrospect, I don't think I liked Bruno overall. It was only medium funny, and it had a lot of really confusing mixed messages. But I definitely liked this scene in which he finally takes down Big Stage Parents. Haha! (P.S. the Bruno DVD was released today, I guess.)… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / November 17, 2009

Call Me Mr. Cool Dad

Hi, son. You're probably pretty surprised to hear from me haha. I want you to know that even though we've been estranged over these past few years, that not a day goes by that I don't think of you. Regardless of what I have said to you, regardless of what you have said to me,… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / November 12, 2009

Reese Witherspoon Is The Future Gwyneth Paltrow

The first movie I ever saw with Reese Witherspoon was Freeway in 1996. That movie was great! Have you seen that movie? You should see that movie. She was really good in it. I thought to myself, "this is a good actress who is good at acting." Since then, of course, it's just been a… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / February 10, 2009

Flavor Flav Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

It's totally possible that if you're on reality TV long enough, your brain chemistry actually changes. Your understanding of reality (there is no spoon) is such that a pair of shoes is by default a pair of lucite stripper heels, and a haircut is getting your weave reglued. Then, when normal people from the… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / April 28, 2008
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