Lindsay Lohan Sentenced To Jail OR: Animals Using Sporting Equipment

Late yesterday, “Lady of Interest,” Lindsay Lohan, was sentenced to 90 days in jail, followed by a 90-day inpatient treatment program for violating the terms of her DUI probation. (See her cry here.) It is the inevitable culmination of years of self-destructive behavior. Isn’t it crazy that she is only 24 years old? Considering the fact that it seems like she’s been a sloppy-faced mess for 12 of them? Personally, my favorite part of the proceedings (which I did not watch, and paid almost no attention to, because give me a break, but still, we live in a world where this is what we think and talk about now, so, sorry, Ancient Philosophers) was when Lindsay’s father Michael Lohan submitted a formal letter to the judge asking him not to make his daughter “a statistic.” LOLOLOL. Right. Sounds like someone picked up a paperback copy of Clockers in the prison library. (Michael Lohan was sent to jail in 2005 for Shirt Crimes.) Anyway: perhaps this will be a good thing for Lindsay Lohan. Perhaps it will provide her the time and space to get sober and reassess her priorities. And perhaps it will be like when Paris Hilton went to jail: completely unconsidered and ignored, shrugged off like last season’s furs. In either case, you have a choice before you: to talk about Lindsay Lohan’s prison sentence in the comments, or to post pictures of animals using sporting equipment.

The court will recess while you make your decision.