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James Franco Is Just An Actual, Unironic Soap Opera Star Now

James Franco is returning to General Hospital, ladies. (You’re all in your 40s and 50s and long ago abandoned your dreams and ambitions to pursue the desires of a boyfriend or husband, or in the simple and endless pursuit to GET a boyfriend or husband, right, and now you watch your stories because those are kind of like having dreams and ambitions still? I just want to make sure that when I refer to you as “ladies” that I have you all grouped together correctly.) From JustJared:

“We are so thrilled to welcome James back to General Hospital,” Executive Producer Jill Farren Phelps said in a statement. “We had such a great time with him and are very excited that he decided to return to Port Charles to take care of unfinished business.”

“Working on General Hospital was a great experience,” James said in a statement “I love the cast, writers, directors and producers. They have become a new family for me. I can’t wait for the work we will do this summer.”

Sure. But so he’s just an actual soap opera star now. You can call your guest role on a soap opera “performance art” the FIRST TIME you have a guest role on a soap opera. When your character returns to that soap opera, though, that’s just what you do. Make soap operas. With your “new family,” apparently. Incidentally, that’s great, and sounds like fun, and we should all be so lucky as to find a soap opera in this world to have a semi-regular cameo on. I’m just saying: NO MORE LIES. When it comes to the true meaning behind young peripatetic film-student-heartthrob-actors roles on daytime television, Americans demand HONESTY.