Did The MTV Video Music Awards Hand Out Stupid Pills?

So, you may or may not have noticed on Sunday that a child ran up on stage during Jay-Z’s and Alicia Keys’s performance of “Empire State of Mind.” That tiny, tiny creature was Lil Mama. And today, she has (FINALLY) explained exactly what happened in the rush of excitement that is the MTV Video Music Awards (they should be called the MTV Pure Adrenalines, apparently). From MTV:

“I’m sitting in my seat two rows away from the stage, and Jay-Z is walking through this tunnel and just, like, this adrenaline rush is pumping [through me],” Lil Mama explained to MTV News on Tuesday (September 15). “He started [rapping], and Alicia Keys is going, ‘The big lights will inspire you,’ and really, I got emotional. Yeah, New York! Jay! I started to feel him, and I started to feel myself. I just felt the energy, and I got up and started walking to the stage. I was just rooting him on as a champion. Bigging up my borough, bigging up my brother.”

The “America’s Best Dance Crew” judge apologized to Jay-Z and Alicia Keys via a statement on Monday, saying the spirit of the song moved her. She didn’t realize until later that Jay-Z might have been upset by her unplanned move. At the time, she thought they were all vibing with each other, despite the legendary rapper backing away from Lil Mama when she appeared.

Right. She just assumed that everyone would love for her to run up on stage and cross her arms and just, you know VIBE THAT SHIT. What? Has no one at the MTV Video Music Awards ever been out in public before? You know how Henry Darger drew penises on all the little girls in his paintings because he’d never seen female anatomy before? That’s what this is like. Lil Mama is the penis on the stage where no penis should be.

Obviously, Lil Mama knew EXACTLY what she was doing, ah-no-duh. She was trying to get herself some attention because Lipgloss was a million years ago and Avril Lavigne doesn’t even return her phone calls anymore. But to try and pretend like we all recognize the need to bum rush Radio City Music Hall’s mainstage during a performance by Jay-Z, whose appearance was preceded by a PRESIDENTIAL MOTORCADE as if he were THE PRESIDENT because of how you enjoy the way a song sounds is insulting. We are not the ones who took the stupid pills, Lil Mama, you are the one who took the stupid pills. All of them.

“There aren’t any stupid pills left in this bottle. Do you have any extra stupid pills I could have?”
–Lil Mama

In other news: CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ARE STILL TALKING ABOUT THE MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS? I’m happy for you, MTV Video Music Awards, and I’mma let you finish, but the Grammy’s had one of the best live-show interruptions of all time.