I was browsing through recent new releases on Netflix today, and there are so many movies that are now out on DVD that seemed kind of interesting when they were in theaters that I just could not give an effffffff about now. What Just Happened?? Lars and the Real Girl? Who has time for this stuff? Both of those movies seemed like perfectly legitimate ways to spend two hours a few months ago, but not anymore. The world is changed, I can feel it in the water. At best, I would put them on my Netflix queue to fester unsent, only to be rediscovered two years later, hovering down in the 300s, where I’m like “Eagle Eye? I don’t even know what that is.” So, what happened?
The window closed on middle ground movies. CURSES!
There are so many classic movies that I have still never seen, and so many legitimate new releases that deserve an audience, that this middle-of-the-road stuff will never make it. You are the middle-of-the-road-could-go-either-way-and-I-kind-of-feel-like-if-you-were-at-all-worth-watching-someone-would-have-told-me-about-it-by-now-so-who-has-the-time link. Goodbye. Some of us are busy, you know. THESE ED HARDY T-SHIRTS AREN’T GOING TO ORGANIZE THEMSELVES IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER OF PURCHASE.
You might complain that it’s this type of attitude that has forced the studios into shorter theatrical releases, making big marketing pushes for record opening week sales and pulling films from distribution quickly if they don’t perform. Thus the tendency towards horrible remakes and endless sequels, which have a built in audience that can be mobilized quickly, unlike a more thoughtful or original movie that might need explanation or at the very least time to find an audience. The studios then also ignore smaller films, forcing them to find a life on DVD. You might complain that. You might be right.
But seriously, who has time for these movies? Do you have time for them? Why do you have time for them? Shouldn’t you be busy Painting, Exercising, Playing Ping Pong, and Organizing Your Ed Hardy T-Shirts as we discussed? Let’s go, y’all!