True Blood: I Will Expect My Apology In Writing

There was quite a bit of discussion last week over my argument that the True Blood vampire-homosexual metaphor was both outrageous and mildly offensive. Almost everyone uniformly agreed that I was ridiculous and stupid and the worst and that I should quit my job and go to jail because take it easy and sometimes a pipe is just a pipe and in this case maybe the vampires are just that, vampires. Well sure, except no. Youse guys don’t know what youse talkin’ about. I will grant you that metaphors only go so far, and that delving deep into metaphors is only so valuable, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t exist, and that they don’t carry a certain meaning. If Alan Ball goes out of his way (and Alan Ball goes out of his way) to establish a clear relationship between the fictional vampires and real life homosexuals, then it’s not inappropriate to say “hey, maybe that’s kind of fucked up.” And while you guys argued that it was just a couple of clever details thrown in to add verisimilitude to the True Blood universe, I would argue that quite to the contrary, new work is done each week to strengthen the metaphor. For example, on last night’s episode, we were finally introduced to “a vampire bar.” Sure. But please take a look at this and tell me that Alan Ball’s vampires are just being vampires instead of being loose but weird and ill conceived metaphors for homosexuality?

Seriously, you guys, what? You’re going to tell me that this is just vampire stuff? Just some classic vampire stuff? No, David Blaine.

Look, I’m not saying that I even understand what the point of this metaphor would be. I don’t have the deeper meaning figured out. But I do think it’s silly to just dismiss it, especially when the show’s creator has worked so hard to make it IMPOSSIBLE to dismiss.

I’d also like to take issue with all of you guys for saying that Alan Ball can’t create a homophobic show just because he’s openly gay. For a counter example, I present you with Flavor Flav. Surely Flavor Flav’s being black does not protect him from charges of perpetuating negative stereotypes about black people? In Flavor Flav’s case I’d even argue that he’s creating negative racial stereotypes where before there were none. Also see: Under One Roof, the Bravo network, and Joe Lieberman. I REST MY CASE.