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J.C.V.D. Jump Spin Crescent Kicks The Fourth Wall

This clip from the new David Foster Wallace had a baby with Dave Eggers at Fourth Wall Hospital and named it Arlie Kaufman has been around for awhile, but I’d never heard of it or seen it until today (via Vulture). That’s my fault because I’m bad at things, and it’s just one of the many reasons that Friday will be my last day. Anyhow, it’s from an upcoming movie called J.C.V.D. in which the aging action star pokes fun at his media persona and agingness, i.e. Being Jean-Claude Van Damme.

It’s already getting great reviews after its premiere at Cannes last week. From Variety:

Incalculably superior in tone, attitude, intent, and intellect to bulk of bodybuilder vehicles, shrewdly produced pic limits limber star’s acrobatics to first and last scenes without great detriment to whole. Gast Waltzing’s horn-heavy score is pleasingly old-school and subtly parodic; Philippe Kohn’s sound mix is crisply immersive; Pierre-Yves Bastard’s widescreen lensing does the job despite de rigueur color-bleaching and scant closeups with which to flaunt Van Damme’s near-Buster Keatonesque deadpan. Exception to that to is aforementioned long take wherein weeping JCVD flexes existential about his status as global-screen limb-snapper with backend points.

What? Wait, maybe I’m wrong. It’s getting unreadable reviews, that’s what I should have said. What planet is Variety being written on? I feel like you need one of those intergalatic translation broaches from The Last Starfighter to understand their bizarre language that to the human ear sounds like barfs and farts.

Where was I? Jesus, Variety really got inside my head. J.C.V.D. Right. Looks great. Lindsay it has been nice working with you.