Official News From Official Town: Bag Of Hair To Take Over For Conan O’Brien

OK, so it’s really happening. Bag of Hair has secured his role in the culture. There’s been a press release and everything. Get ready for a lot of this:

“Funny you should ask, fellow empty cypher, of course I have a dull anecdote. Isn’t it great when two good looking but otherwise uninteresting people can just get together and promote something?”

Bag of Hair is going to be on Conan tonight. This will be the one true test. If Bag of Hair does great and I am proved foolish and wrong, I will do something to make up for it. Like use his real name instead of this mildly insulting but mostly nonsensical nickname.